Reviewing my year…

Self-doubt has been a recurring theme of my blog. I have found that in my life it has affected how I respond to other people, my confidence within the work place but also my running ability. In writing my ‘Review of 2013′ blog post, I would have to say that the last 3 months have taught me more about myself than I’ve ever known; it’s been a time of incredibly uncertainty; a period of my life where self-doubt could have easily engulfed me … But that never happened.

If there is one word which describes it all, I would say vulnerability.

Vulnerable 2

Deciding to head down a new path for my career, moving to a new department, being seconded to head up a team for 6 months in a field I had no previous experience in was incredibly overwhelming. The initial few days I feared that I would be exposed and make a mistake. That I would fail…

Instead of allowing self-doubt to take the lead, I used my vulnerability to accept that things were new, every day had its own share of unknowns, that the work was tough and complex and that I was either going to sink or swim. Instead of being in control, I let go and let each day take care of itself. And I was rewarded each and every day. Not only by small successes around me, but on a personal level too.

I’ve learnt that I actually know stuff. Stuff that has been built up in files in my head for years and years, waiting to be released. I realize that I can make a difference and sometimes it doesn’t have to be a big one. I’ve learnt that I can and I do add value – best feeling in the world.

But I guess the biggest surprise is that I’m no longer afraid to let people around me see this part of me. The more passionate I get, the bolder I feel and the more I love what I do. 2013 will definitely go down as the year I found my voice.

Thank you Dipesh for believing in me and making me believe in myself.


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