Making Christmas mine involves a bit of compromise and effort

I dread this time of year. While everyone else around me is excited about the holidays and the countdown to Christmas, for me, it represents the time of year that KK and I argue the most.

The thing is that we’ve both come from very different upbringings where Christmas was celebrated very differently in our families.

His memories of Christmas involve presents around the tree, family photographs, gammon and fruit cake and opening up presents on Christmas eve.

However, I can’t remember my family ever having a Christmas tree. Presents were not a big deal (and some years never even wrapped).  I also recall that the fact that my single mom could earn extra money for working overtime on these days meant we usually landed up spending the time at my granny.

Don’t get me wrong. It never bugged me. In fact, this is what I came to know as a fantastic Christmas! This was the norm.

So what’s the problem then? Why do we fight?

In a way, KK is reluctant to give up on his Christmas tradition. In his eyes, it is perfect. This is where the arguments start. I want something of my own. I want my own tradition. I want something uniquely ours. And yet with Christmas eve booked by his family and Christmas day spent split between my mom, stepdad and my dad, there isn’t really time for an ‘our’ Christmas.

I think it’s different when you have kids and you start creating your own traditions. But that’s not going to happen with us. So for the past couple of years, it’s always landed up being a big argument.

So this year, I decided that two things were needed. I needed to back down and accept that KK’s Christmas is important to him and I shouldn’t try change anything. The second realisation is that if I wanted something of my own, I needed to find it or create it.

And so I did..

We made Friday night a ‘romantic, Christmas tree putting up evening’. I booked us out for the evening (so that we didn’t accidentally make Friday night plans with friends), I bought some really yummy snacks on the way home including some wine. I made a delicious supper which we ate outside on the patio, watching the sun set. And then we set out decorating our home in Christmas decorations. Together. Just the two of us while my George Michael CD played in the background.

It was an evening where we celebrate the start of ‘our’ Christmas together and spent time decorating our beautiful home with the most stunning Christmas decorations.

What works is that no one can take this evening away from us. It is ours and is a special evening that we can look forward to every year from now on – building our own yearly tradition.

It takes both a compromise to find a solution and an effort in order to make something work. Sometimes it’s difficult to do, but the rewards are amazing!

13 thoughts on “Making Christmas mine involves a bit of compromise and effort

  1. I absolutely loved this post, actually almost brought tears to my eyes, simply becuase I love how you two as a couple made the effort for one another, so many couples are not willing to compromise in situation and its sad. I hope you two create many more traditions together 🙂


  2. This post hit the nail on the head for me!!!

    I have been married for 6 years with no kids and have always wanted to start my own traditions, even though my hubby is not too keen 😦 but like you we have learned to compromise (saying that with tongue in cheek 😉 ). I love cooking and having people around, hubby is the opposite. 2 years ago, we decided if we do Christmas my way, we do New Year your way and vice-versa , so far we have done both days my way (the one thing i refused to do is vist the in-laws, my family is very far away so not an option). I am looking forward to that again this year (hopefully both days will go my way again!!!!), I already have my Christmas turkey 😉 And I do love the Christmas tree, the blinking lights and pressies as you can guess my hubby is not keen on this either (thinks its lame and very commercial but my earliest memories of Chistmas included the Christmas lights and I missed it when we stopped doing it as a family), now that I am in charge I always put up the tree and the lights, though I always end up decorating it alone. This year I am “stealing” your idea (thank you for posting this, and I hope you don’t mind) and would try and make it a date night for us just to decorate the tree and house together, I will need lots of luck with this!!!!


  3. how awful for you not to have had any childhood Christmas celebrations. Well, we make do with what we can.I do feel you can have a great time if you put your mind and heart to it. My family come over and tsunami the dinner [which takes me hours to make, in 1/2 hour flat and end up lying around like corpses,while I tidy up Oh What a joyous celebration, to have all my lovies around me on this precious day of the year. We forget about what Christmas is actually all about as we hurtle through the year, totally stressed out and wishing for a rest from the world out there,but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I still have to rush to the shops and buy the latest Boney M cd and some Christmas Hats and those blower things although I dont really mind George Michael.


  4. My family always does the Christmas tree, gifts and lunch thing. However, since I started living on my own miles from them I started just being alone on Christmas day and that worked for me.

    However, since my belief system does not involve a deity, I feel it wrong for me to celebrate a Christian holiday.

    However, The Boss’ family make a big deal out of things with Christmas eve drinks and snacks, Christmas lunch, presents, trees, decorations and the whole shooting match. All I want on that day is to be left pretty much alone. We’ve kinda argued about it. Not a full on fight, just her arguing for it and me arguing against it.

    This year, luckily we have called a truce. She pops in by them with gifts and whatnot, I get the couch, the cheap whisky and Pearl Jam. The way it’s meant to be.


  5. Reading your post is like DejaVu. Christmas time is always one big fight between my hubby and I as his family wants to do it their way, my family does it differently and i also want something to call ‘ours.’ (We have also been married for 10 years and have no kids.) I have started to hate Christmas and dread it every year, but after reading your post, I am also going to compromise and hopefully this year will be the start of a new tradition! Thanks for making me see the light!

    I really enjoy reading your blog!


  6. I am so glad you found a solution to make Christmas, something for the two of you. You are so right. Now no one can take that evening away from you two.
    Me and hubby also started our own traditions since last year. We just said: “Screw the family.” We are going to be different regarding Christmas every single year. And that is exactly what we are doing. Glad you found a special evening.


  7. ok, so you know my xmas used to be like KK’s all of that except the gamon 🙂 isntead it was turkey and cod :)) but then in 2006 I gave our tree and other goodies away to an orphanage. And since then xmas has been about just spending time with family no presents or trees. I was really going to put it up this sunday cause my baby nephwes arrive soon and I want them to have a tree, but I couldn’t get myself to do it. Please come over and make me do it this year – I still have loads of beautiful things to put up, the new tree is a bit of a silly fibre optics one, I’m not proud of it but I’m sure it can still look great if I put my heart to it. HELP! I need christmas this year….


  8. Oh wait…we were scary children….we would go to the chemist and buy presents for mom on her account and thought she didnt know…bwahahaha…… (it worked for her when she told Harold ‘put it on my account’. Guess we thought the same – someone was paying for it). Love it. Cant stop laughing.


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