I dread this time of year. While everyone else around me is excited about the holidays and the countdown to Christmas, for me, it represents the time of year that KK and I argue the most.
The thing is that we’ve both come from very different upbringings where Christmas was celebrated very differently in our families.
His memories of Christmas involve presents around the tree, family photographs, gammon and fruit cake and opening up presents on Christmas eve.
However, I can’t remember my family ever having a Christmas tree. Presents were not a big deal (and some years never even wrapped). I also recall that the fact that my single mom could earn extra money for working overtime on these days meant we usually landed up spending the time at my granny.
Don’t get me wrong. It never bugged me. In fact, this is what I came to know as a fantastic Christmas! This was the norm.
So what’s the problem then? Why do we fight?
In a way, KK is reluctant to give up on his Christmas tradition. In his eyes, it is perfect. This is where the arguments start. I want something of my own. I want my own tradition. I want something uniquely ours. And yet with Christmas eve booked by his family and Christmas day spent split between my mom, stepdad and my dad, there isn’t really time for an ‘our’ Christmas.
I think it’s different when you have kids and you start creating your own traditions. But that’s not going to happen with us. So for the past couple of years, it’s always landed up being a big argument.
So this year, I decided that two things were needed. I needed to back down and accept that KK’s Christmas is important to him and I shouldn’t try change anything. The second realisation is that if I wanted something of my own, I needed to find it or create it.
And so I did..
We made Friday night a ‘romantic, Christmas tree putting up evening’. I booked us out for the evening (so that we didn’t accidentally make Friday night plans with friends), I bought some really yummy snacks on the way home including some wine. I made a delicious supper which we ate outside on the patio, watching the sun set. And then we set out decorating our home in Christmas decorations. Together. Just the two of us while my George Michael CD played in the background.
It was an evening where we celebrate the start of ‘our’ Christmas together and spent time decorating our beautiful home with the most stunning Christmas decorations.
What works is that no one can take this evening away from us. It is ours and is a special evening that we can look forward to every year from now on – building our own yearly tradition.
It takes both a compromise to find a solution and an effort in order to make something work. Sometimes it’s difficult to do, but the rewards are amazing!