Forced to sit this one out

New Year’s resolutions look differently when you’ve had the rough December I’ve had…

On the 17th December, I lay in a hospital bed with a drip in my hand in the Sandton Medical emergency room feeling absolutely miserable. Just a week away from celebrating Christmas, I realised that the last three months have been the worst I have ever felt battling a disease I have tried desperately to hide from majority of those around me. Managing the actual disease has been fine but the extra-intestinal manifestations of Ulcerative Colitis have really taken its toll.

Excruciating arthritis attacks on the joints of my hands and shoulders; painful eye infections due to the arthritis which caused my whole cheek to seize up; a revolting rash (and another late night hospital visit) which turned out to be Urticaria; constant mouth ulcers and now something new… Crippling pain in the right hand side of my abdomen shooting up into my shoulder.

I’ve spent quite a lot of time reflecting on my health during December. Being an utter control freak it’s difficult accepting that there is absolutely nothing I can do to control an auto-immune disease which at the moment seems to be attacking me on all fronts. Ironically, the worst part is that I’ve not been able to run.

I had planned to do so much running while I was on leave during this time, especially training for the Dischem half marathon which would kick-off my 2014 running year. But with the pain and no energy, all I managed was a 5km run at the gym.

sleep dog

My blog has always been focused on my running speed. My slow pace and my insecurities about my running. But sitting on that hospital bed, all I wished for was that I was healthy and able to put on my running shoes and head out for a run. I thought, who the hell cares how slow I run. I don’t even give a damn if those walkers come past me. I just want to be healthy and fit enough to run.

Running means I’m strong. Running means I am healthy. Running means I am able to conquer my fears. Running means I am in control of my body. I’m sure I’ll be fit soon but for now, my New Year’s resolution wish is for a healthy body.

23 thoughts on “Forced to sit this one out

  1. Pingback: On your marks… | Keeping up with the Walkers…

  2. I always think of you during my races, when walkers go past me. I think, Bron keeps going, and has achieved so much, so I can too.
    Stay strong, I’m sure you’ll be back on the road soon.
    Hugs!

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  3. Your post really resonated with me today as I’m also not able to run right now due to health reasons. Sending you healing energy & praying that you’ll be back on the road soon! Running really is a blessing, thanks for sharing and reminding us of that. 😘

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  4. Wishing you all the strength in this difficult time. Will keep you in our prayers. I always tell everyone be grateful that that you can run, it’s a very special talent that not everyone is blessed with, cherish that talent and don’t waste it…. My Dischem run will be a dedication to your fight !!! I’m hoping it can be a shiny silver one which would help the healing faster 😉

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  5. I hear u on being a control person and having a disease u can’t. I am sorry, well done for how well u do! Hang in there, take it easy and take care of u !!

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  6. Great post! Running or walking, being healthy is what it is all about. Not how fast we go (or don’t) Every day that we are able to do it is a privilege. Hugs Pamela

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  7. I’m sorry you’re having a bad time at the moment. You’ll get through this and you’ll be back running again and forget about the speed, just enjoy the journey (I hope that didn’t sound too corny!)

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  8. Hi there,

    While my situation is not as bad as yours… The result has been the same. Running ground to a halt.

    In September I slipped on my drive way (very steep) landed on my knee and hurt the front of my foot. As blood gets all the attention, my knee was the first to be panicked about.

    However after a few days I could barely walk as my big toe and the area around it were so swollen and bruised.

    Pride and doctor avoidance meant that I didn’t bother doing anything about it. Finally saw the ortho- no broken bones, just a bad sprain.

    Well 3 months later I am starting to run again but my dis chem entry is going to be finding a new owner 😦 might attempt the 5 km.

    Feel better soon 🙂
    Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

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    • Oh no! 3 months is a heck of a long time for a runner to be out of action!! Glad you’re finally getting back into it. Looks like that 5km is ours this year! and why not! 🙂

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