Category Archives: My Family

What’s the point of a formal lounge anyhow?

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One of my favourite rooms in my house is my formal lounge. It’s a beautiful room where the afternoon sun steams in and makes the wall colour change from shades of cream to light stone. It has one of the best quality leather lounge suites (which we spent a small fortune on) with a stunning Nguni skin on the floor and doors which open out onto the pool area. 

Fabulous paintings by South African artists hang on the wall and on the main wall, a collage of family photographs is spread out. There are some really special ones too, including my grandparents wedding photograph of them in their Salvation Army uniforms (I kid you not!). There’s even one of my granny’s standard 3 school photo. My head floods with special memories when I stare at all those photographs.

The sad irony is that it’s the one room that I never use. In fact, in the last 8 years of living in our house, not once have we made use of this lounge. Never! It’s crazy!

We built our house off-plan and at that stage, majority of our friends were in the same life stage and doing the same thing. Building or renovating their houses. We all made sure we included a formal lounge. In fact, paging through copies of décor magazines, it just seemed like the “right thing” to have.

Years down the line, I am not sure that I understand the need for a formal lounge.

We rarely get visitors and even the ones that do come around I’ve always considered never “that important” that they need to be entertained in such a formal room. In fact, if our families do visit, they would never be “allowed” to use the lounge because they are not “important enough”. (and no, it’s got nothing to do with the fact that they do not use coasters)

What the hell does it all really mean? It hurts me to realize that one of the best rooms in my house, I don’t even share with the most important and special people in my life? That is wrong. Surely that’s not the way I should be treating my friends and loved ones? Isn’t everyone that comes to visit worth only the best I can give them? Would I not want to make everyone that comes to visit feel as important as possible?

So my formal lounge gathers dust. My maid religiously cleans it every week. And I have the sneaky suspicion that Annie and Emma (my dogs) sleep on the Nguni in the sun during the day. Buggers!

What a waste…

I think on Sunday, I will go read my book in the formal lounge. I’ll kick off my shoes, put my feet up and take my afternoon nap in the sun, surrounded by all those wonderful photographs. Sounds like a plan!

And the next time we have visitors, even if it is family *gasp*, that’s where we’ll be sitting! For a few minutes anyhow…

Watching children talk to birds…

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I find looking after someone else’s child one of the most stressful things to do. Not being a parent myself, it doesn’t come easy for me.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to do it. I just find it the most frightening thing to do. To be handed over the responsibility of taking care of a child who that parent considers the most important thing in their world – it’s overwhelming.

What if something happens to the child while it is on my watch? What if the child chokes? What if it trips and falls, breaking a leg? What if the child goes missing in the mall? *shudder* I would never ever forgive myself. Never. Unfortunately, kids pick up my stress and I am always guilty that instead of just enjoying the time together, I am focussed on the wrong thing.

I didn’t come with the built-in mommy manual. I do not know how to soothe a crying baby. I do not have the energy to run after a toddler. I find making conversation with children difficult.

Needless to say, my 9 year old niece still manages to twist my arm and come over to stay for the weekend. As all aunts and uncles do, we tend to feed her lots of junk food, we take her to Spur, she watches hours and hours of Disney channel and we let her do pretty much what she likes.

The atmosphere in the house is definitely different. KK and I are comfortable with silences. However, my niece talks non-stop and comes full of opinions.

We tend to stick to a pretty rigid weekend routine. With my niece staying over, everything is thrown on its head! Clothes and books lie scattered all over the floor. The TV is on loud. We go to bed at different times, we don’t get to go running, we skip gym, we eat junk food. It’s the clearest indication to me what our life would be like if we had kids. Everything would change and would revolve around our child.

The funniest thing is that Annie and Emma (my dogs) do not appreciate our attention off them and onto this little person. They come running to me constantly, as if ‘tattletailing’ on my niece and vying for attention and love.

Today we decided to venture out and take my niece to the Monte Casino Bird Gardens. What a lovely place! I highly recommend it. It is well-kept, clean and entertaining. It has a calming, quietness about it.

The thing that stood out for me most is that I was not stressed. I loved being surrounded by all those birds!

My niece ran around, unafraid of anything. Not even the birds of prey or the spiders or the snakes could shake her confidence. In fact, as she informed me, the black mamba didn’t scare her at all. And the anaconda? Pfft, she’d seen bigger in her lifetime.

I need to take some lessons from her.

My niece fell asleep in the car on the way home. The only thing she appears to remember is that a bird crapped on KK’s hand when we were eating lunch.

But the important thing, I hope, is that she enjoyed herself.

I know I did…

10 Tips for a Decade of Marriage

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My hubby (KK) and I celebrate 10 years of marriage in September. I’d like to share with you my 10 tips that have kept us together over the years…

1. SAY SORRY

A simple sorry breaks down barriers. In the end, it doesn’t matter who was wrong or right. But what matters is how you both feel when you are fighting. It’s horrible and miserable and in the end, so pointless. Say sorry and mean it. Then when you are ready, sit down and talk about the issue.

2. ALWAYS LOOK YOUR BEST (ACT AS IF YOU ARE STILL DATING)

Make the effort. Why is it that when the doorbell rings, we rush to comb our hair and quickly apply make-up, yet we are okay with our loved ones seeing us at our worst? I like to make sure I always look my best and pretty when I’m around KK. I wear my pretty ear rings and apply make-up on, even on the weekends. Don’t pluck your eye-brows or wax your legs in front of your man. Keep that element of surprise there.

3. FAMILY & FRIENDS

Most couples fight about each other’s family and/or friends yet these are the people that each other cares most about. Agree to disagree. Always remember that these are the very same people that helped built the character of the person you love. 

4. HOUSEHOLD CHORES – DIVIDE AND CONQUER

We both work very long, stressful hours, as most couples do. It is not fair to expect one person to still come home from work and ensure all the cooking and cleaning is done all by themselves. KK and I each have a list of set chores to do and we are each responsible for ensuring it gets done. We both contribute. I am grateful to have a husband who does the washing every day. 

5. GET A DOG (OR TWO)

Annie and Emma have given us hours of pleasure and brought joy to our lives. They make us laugh with their funny, unique personalities. Enough said. (I guess this is true for those of you who have kids)

6. THANK EACH OTHER. CONSTANTLY

Acknowledge one another. KK thanks me every night for supper. I thank him every morning for breakfast. And we both mean it. It’s not about what is being thanked for, but the acknowledgement that I am grateful for him in my life and what he means to me.

7. MAKE TIME TO BOND

A friend of mine criticized me recently, saying that KK and I need a break on weekends, that we do everything together. Yes, so we go to Woolies together, clothes shopping together, even gym on the weekends. Almost every Saturday evening, our ritual is to go to an early movie and supper. Our “Date Night”. We know that whilst we are hectically busy during the week, we can look forward to that time when we set aside everything to enjoy the time spent with each other. This is what works for us and it is still not old.

8. KNOW WHAT MAKES THE OTHER PERSON ‘TICK’

Recognize the things in life that are important to each other. Make an effort to understand what matters in each other’s lives. It is easier then to understand their hopes, challenges and disappointments.

9. EXPECT EACH OTHER TO CHANGE AND GROW

It’s only natural that you will each change and grow. But it’s important that you take each other on that journey with you. Or else you will drift apart. Change is a good thing and as long as it’s for the good, embrace it. KK cannot expect me to be the same person I was when he met me at 23 years of age to the woman I am at 36.

10. HOLD HANDS. KISS. SMILE AT EACH OTHER.

It’s the little things that add up to the big things. We still hold hands when we go out. And we still kiss before each meal at night. I won’t start eating until he does. And he won’t go to bed until I am ready to. And often, I will catch him out and just stop and say hello. And smile at him. And tell him I love him. Because I do…

11. MAKE TEA – Babes, I threw this one in just in case you’re reading my blog! *kiss*