Reviewing my year…

Self-doubt has been a recurring theme of my blog. I have found that in my life it has affected how I respond to other people, my confidence within the work place but also my running ability. In writing my ‘Review of 2013′ blog post, I would have to say that the last 3 months have taught me more about myself than I’ve ever known; it’s been a time of incredibly uncertainty; a period of my life where self-doubt could have easily engulfed me … But that never happened.

If there is one word which describes it all, I would say vulnerability.

Vulnerable 2

Deciding to head down a new path for my career, moving to a new department, being seconded to head up a team for 6 months in a field I had no previous experience in was incredibly overwhelming. The initial few days I feared that I would be exposed and make a mistake. That I would fail…

Instead of allowing self-doubt to take the lead, I used my vulnerability to accept that things were new, every day had its own share of unknowns, that the work was tough and complex and that I was either going to sink or swim. Instead of being in control, I let go and let each day take care of itself. And I was rewarded each and every day. Not only by small successes around me, but on a personal level too.

I’ve learnt that I actually know stuff. Stuff that has been built up in files in my head for years and years, waiting to be released. I realize that I can make a difference and sometimes it doesn’t have to be a big one. I’ve learnt that I can and I do add value – best feeling in the world.

But I guess the biggest surprise is that I’m no longer afraid to let people around me see this part of me. The more passionate I get, the bolder I feel and the more I love what I do. 2013 will definitely go down as the year I found my voice.

Thank you Dipesh for believing in me and making me believe in myself.

Vulnerability

Thoughts from my run: Things change

In conversation with some colleagues the other day, we chuckled at the fact that we have been employed at the current company for so long now that it doesn’t faze us when someone resigns, we don’t seem surprised when a restructure is announced and in fact, we generally grow concerned when things stay the same for too long. That’s comforting in a way, but perhaps also a little disturbing.

If there’s one lesson I try to teach my 11-year-old niece it’s that she embraces change and equips herself with tools as a youngster to manage the uncertainty in the world and for her future ahead. I find so many people I interact with on a daily basis see change as a negative thing. Not only do they fear it, but they struggle to see opportunities and potential doors opening when things happen.

On my run this morning, I ran into (you see what I did there?) an old Twitter friend of mine. Both of us have moved into new roles at work and as we briefly chatted, it was great to find out that we both love the work we do and happy for the changes we made.

I wouldn’t say it was an easy route. Change is hard and I have been stressed at most stops throughout the journey. But I’ve been lucky that I have managed to “come out alive?” I’m blessed that things have worked out for me. If only I could find a way to bottle the learnings so that I know what to do next time. Because trust me, change comes whether you like it or not.

Talking about being blessed, how beautiful are these Jacaranda trees on my running route?

Jacaranda trees