I got home from work on Monday evening just before 7pm. KK was still not home and as I sat in the dark, in my car, in the garage, scrolling through my Twitter time line (a ritual I do most evenings), I started to ask myself a couple of hard hitting questions. Surely there was more to life than working 12 hour long, stressful days, leaving for work and arriving home in the dark, raccoon red eyes from staring at my laptop screen?  Was it worth it? My mind wondered off to the news that a colleague had resigned and was leaving to go assist her husband run a game farm. Being the ‘bush baby’ that I am, I burned with envy. How glorious… 

I came to the conclusion that I am just tired. I’m tired of Winter. Tired of leaving for gym in the dark. Tired of dieting when I crave comfort food. Tired of the hour long commute to work and back. Tired of having static hair (thought I’d throw that one in). Tired of having sinus because the seasons can’t decide what they’re doing… Just tired. And I feel guilty for feeling tired. I know there’s a lot to look forward to. I just need to get through August. 

Struggling to shake the sinus attack that had crippled my body since Friday (drama queen), I had used it as an excuse not to run Wits Kudu’s 10km on Sunday. This is a new race on the race calendar so there were many doubts filling my head. The one was that awareness of the race would be low and therefore very few runners (I was wrong). Another was that after I ran, I would develop a serious chest infection and take long to recover. 

So KK and the running gang headed out to run the race while I snuggled under the blanket. I could not sleep. Mostly because my nose was irritating me, but also because I was watching the tweets on my Twitter time line of those that had in fact run the race. Verdicts of “toughest race ever” and “relentless hills” were coming through. Then the tweets of those that had completed it and how victorious they felt. When KK did arrive home, his verdict was that it was a ”swine of a race” but was proudly wearing the cap he received at the finish.

Secretly relieved that perhaps I did in fact make the right decision not to run such a tough race, I realized that I most probably would’ve been fine to run. It’s not flu. It’s a runny nose. I am ever so willing to use the smallest excuse to get me out of running a race. And yet in life, I am not that kind of person. 

Anyone looking at how I live my life would see that I am not a quitter. I am the one that never takes sick leave. I am the one that works the long hours. I am the one that tries new challenges at work and in my life. I’m the one that gets up at the crack of dawn to get to gym. I’m game for anything new.

No. I love running. I really do! I’m just tired…