I choose to run…

Do you ever feel like running away from a situation?

When I was 10 years old, I ran away from home. Well, it was to the Van Rensburg’s house a few doors away from my house in the same complex, but still, I ran away. I was running away from a hiding that my mom was about to give me. We used to get hidings with a leather belt called Elvis. (written on it “Die kinders spring as Elvis sing” – but that’s a whole different blog post).

I remember that evening quite clearly. I had run away, trying to avoid getting a hiding (I can’t remember what for) and somehow thought that by the time (if) I returned home, all would be forgiven and forgotten. But that wasn’t meant to be. My mom was patiently waiting for me.

It started to get dark and I sat outside on the wall in the garden, not knowing what to do. Eventually I began to weight up my options. Would it be better to sit it out? Would I be able to survive a whole evening on my own (without supper or a jersey) or would it be easier just to go home and face the music?

Eventually my sister came to fetch me and said, “You might as well come home, get your hiding over and done with so we can all go to bed!” She was right. I had to face it. Which I did…

These days, I feel like that little girl again…

I sit at my desk at work, surrounded by talented individuals who are bogged down with a negative vibe, battling office politics and stress like I’ve never seen before. This time around, I am not the one facing the hiding but it feels as if running away is the only option available to me.

I would much rather sit on the wall, in the dark, cold and hungry than face the day-to-day stress of working in such a hostile environment surrounded by such negativity. It’s slowly starting to take its toll.

I mentioned it to my mentor in our last session. He picked up on some of my anxiety and said,

“Bron, don’t run away just because the heat in the kitchen is getting too hot. You will find stress no matter where you go. Face it. Confront it.”

Very much like I was forced to do that evening outside the Van Rensburg’s house.

But right now, I don’t have the energy. I think I’ll take my chances and just run…

3 thoughts on “I choose to run…

  1. I’ve run away from home at 15. I didn’t get far and eventually got back home. In actuality I never really stopped until 23 March 2010. The kitchen is damn hot at times, very unpleasant. To stay in the kitchen is equivalent to burning. Which hurts. But I’m exercising the choice to stay and face the heat, for really – from my experience over the last 570 days – the fire can clean. Painful, I’ll, admit and the instinct to run is always, always there.

    Ok, enough deepness 🙂 Great post. There is a marked difference between running for relief and running away. Keep running, Bron and hopefully our paths cross in April 🙂

    Like

  2. I so agree with your mentor. I have learned this the hard way in my past. Running away makes it worse and where you run off to, you will get stress there too.
    Thinking of you at your workplace.

    Like

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