Let lockdown anxiety run its course

Posted on August 2, 2020 by Bo

Lockdown anxiety finally broke me. It stole the last flicker of hope I was clinging on to and I’m not the only one who has just about had enough.

But I’m a denialist. I deny that COVID is out of control. I deny that my country is burning. I deny that things globally are in a real fucking mess. But they are.

I’m tired of hearing about the government. Of corruption. Of failure. I’m tired of not having answers. I’m tired of not knowing what to do or say. I’m sick of the negativity.

So my only escapism is to head to track twice a week and run laps around a dry grassy field. Alone with my thoughts and possibly the only hour I have without checking into social media.

And then this happened…

Chatting to my running coach on Saturday put things into perspective. We always start each new month discussing (negotiating) running goals. But this time was different.

Without asking, she said this:

“Bron, there is no need to push. There are no races to train for. All I want is for you to enjoy your running. Take it easy.

This isn’t about PBs. It’s not about the distance. It’s about getting out there and being consistent. Let’s get to September and then relook things.

But for now, all I want you to do is hang in there and do what you can. Don’t put anymore pressure on yourself.”

And that’s all I needed to hear…

Just hang in there. Ride this wave. Let it happen. Let it wash over me and move on.

There’s no need to put pressure on myself. We’re all struggling. There are no prizes. Even though just getting through the day deserves a medal.

And to control what I can. I can manage 3km runs and track twice a week, and that’s all that’s expected of me.

I can’t control what’s going on in my country, and no one is expecting me to. I can’t control how people react. I can’t change how others deal this pandemic. But I can run.

We’re a month away from Spring. Let’s ride this wave …

Don’t overthink it.

Posted on July 19, 2020 by Bo

It’s a simple sentence but one that stopped me in my tracks when I read it.

Don’t overthink it. What do you mean “Don’t overthink it?” How is that even possible? I’m a thinker. It’s what I do.

Weeping Buddha. Bought in Bali a few years ago & which sits on my dressing table. 🤎

My need for escapism is at an all time high. Especially since lockdown has my brain fried.

I’ve gone from days loving being locked up in the solitude known as my office, to other days when I can’t breathe and seek out any excuse to get in my car and drive away, music blaring.

I’ve started training again with running Coach Michelle. It’s been a lifesaver. My only constant in a world gone mad.

Running around a dry & grassy field alone over and over again gives you time to think. X8 laps worth. And my Sunday run turned into a walk when the weight of my thoughts were just too heavy to carry.

The COVID case numbers are out of control
The economy is shattered
Unemployment and desperation is rising
Anger. Blame. Hatred. Fear.
There’s no end in sight

The exhaustion of trying to live in a state of endless hope has taken its toll on me. I’m losing hope.

I’m tired. Tired of being hopeful on my own. Just for once, I need the freedom to vent. To be angry. To collapse. In safety.

The weight of giving up hope weighs heavily. Because if positive people, like myself, give up, then what?

Not overthinking it is impossible right now.

Letting the dogs out

Posted on July 8, 2018 by Bo

I’ve always loved dogs. We grew up surrounded by dogs, especially the larger breeds such as Great Danes and Boerboels. In my teenage years, my sister and I worked at the SPCA on weekends. So when my Junkie friends, Brenda and Erica, asked if I’d like to join them to walk the dogs at a local dog shelter, I immediately said yes.

We arrived at the dog shelter and were taken on a short tour of the kennels. My heart stopped. Most of the dogs were big. Very big! They were magnificent! I guess I had grown accustomed to being around Annie & Emma, my little Brussels Griffon breeds and had not spent time with any large dogs in a very long time.

We were paired up in two’s and shown how to hold the dogs on the lead. It was a case of taking turns to walk the dogs down the street, then return to the two different enclosures for the dogs to be able to run freely, which they did. And in the one enclosure, there was a pool which they loved!

I won’t lie, I was scared. The very first dog I took was difficult to hold, strong and heavy. I was relieved that the young girl I was paired up with was a regular dog walker to that shelter and while I panicked in my head, she told me the background story to each and every one of the dogs we walked. Their names, where they came from, their personalities. She clearly had favourites. I was relieved she could “read” each dog well.

While we walked the dogs, another bunch of volunteers cleaned the kennels and provided bowls of food and fresh water. Their blankets were laid out in the sun to dry. That smell of wet kennels and jik permeated the air and brought up many memories of those SPCA days.

We all thought it would be a quick and easy morning. But it was hard work! My hands were broken and it felt as if I had been hit by a bus. Tucking into Steers burgers on the way home, we all acknowledged that it was harder than we had initially imagined.

When we left the shelter, the dogs were fed, walked, clean and happy. There are special people who commit to making sure this happens each and every day. They dedicate their lives to not only looking after these amazing animals, but to finding homes for them. But they cannot do it alone.

You can find more information on their Facebook page. We all promised to be back to do it all again. It’s so rewarding!

My year captured in 12 pics

Posted on December 18, 2016 by Bo

1. The year started with us finding out that Annie had a tumor on her adrenal gland. It was successfully removed, however the remaining gland has not been able to do the job for two glands, so Annie remains on high levels of cortisone. 2. Track sessions with the Running Junkies continued. 3. There were many races run this year, including Two Oceans half marathon. My times were not so great. 4. A few of my running buddies left SA to take on adventures overseas in Munich & Dublin. I miss them! 5. I learned that I can hit a golf ball. 6. KK ran another Comrades race. He shaved off even more time and now is determined to kickstart his 2017 training. 7. We holidayed in the beautiful Drakensburg with Dan & Linda. This photo also won me first place at camera club. 8. I ran my first trail run. Without proper gear, my feet ached for days. 9. I went back to Mari, my bio to help me with my running form. I’ve since scaled down on running such far distances & focus on 5kms and 10kms. 10. I commissioned my first rooster from a street wire artist. 11. KK ran his first Otter trail run. Again, the bug has bitten and I can’t see any other race coming close in terms of fun, views and organisation. 12. We renovated and I painted my walls blue. I absolutely love the colour! I’m so proud of myself for being brave and different!