Not fast enough. Not strong enough. Not good enough – The voice said.

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Bo

“Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.” – @Runningquotes

As much as I’d like to think that the physical training I have done in the past few weeks has been enough, running a race on Saturday reminded me that the mental training is far from good enough to get me through a half marathon. In fact, for most of Saturday’s race, that little voice in my head made that 10km race a very long and difficult run.

The race was the annual Liqui-Fruit 10/21.1km race in Irene where over 5 000 runners make their way through the Agricultural grounds. It is definitely one of my favorite races. Not only do you get a very colorful, bright t-shirt, but the race winds its way past the cows and sheep. I love cows. For me, it signaled my first official race counting down to the Two Oceans 2012 half marathon – a race I had entered on Wednesday.

Before I set off, I had calculated in my mind that I wanted to do a time of 1:18. seeing as though I had improved on my time quite dramatically since 2008. (1:18 – 2010, 1:26 – 2009, 1:30 – 2008) The field was massive and as the gun went off, it took almost 10 minutes to get through the first 1km. For those that know the route, as you get to the 2km mark and look ahead, you see a string of runners ahead of you in the distance and you realize just how many people are running the race, as well as how fast the front runners are. I was doing quite well and was at some stages running under the 8km/min mark.

Mentally, I have to do 7kms in under an hour. This is important as it marks the fact that if I can do that, I will manage to make cut off time of 3 hours for a half marathon. So as I past the 7km mark in 57mins, I was smiling.

The last 3kms of the race are quite hilly. This is where I started to struggle and where that voice of self doubt reared its ugly head. No matter how hard I tried, I kept wondering just how I would be able to finish a half marathon when my legs felt so tired after 7kms. The 21.1km runners had started to pass me by now on their way to the finish, and as I cheered them on as they passed me, I kept wondering how it was possible that they were doing double the distance than I was, and in half the time. Some of the super fit Walk/Run For Life ladies also started to pass me. You see, on the uphills, they are quite strong. *damn Walkers!*

I was never really good at Maths in school. But it’s funny how I am able to work out, to the second, how long it would take me to do 3kms and at what pace and whether or not I would be finished in under 80 mins. I started to get slower and slower.

Thoughts of Two Oceans were flooding my head and I started to remember the stress of it all. Standing at 4am at the start line, the congestion of the first km, the uphill of Southern Cross, the irritating Old Mutual pom pom girls near University Drive. But most of all, the thought that I was not yet strong enough to tackle long distances.

I don’t run well under stress. That little voice became too much for me and on the last km, I walked… I thought, stuff it. I’m not going to make 80mins. I am therefore not running in under 8mins/km. I am a failure.

My finishing time: 1:82. I was very disappointed.

That little voice in my head is so powerful sometimes. And the worst part is that I allow it to own me… Not only with my running, but also with my self-confidence in general.

Lately, having to make some big decisions in my career and all I can think of is that I am not good enough. I keep doubting my abilities. I keep making excuses. I find I am stressing myself out about making decisions because I am too scared that I will fail.

There are 142 days left until Two Oceans. 142 days left to train not only my body, but especially my mind into believing I can do it.

Because I know I can…(~~I think~~).

Running as one

Posted on November 13, 2011 by Bo

I’m really jealous of KK. He has a dedicated running partner who not only runs his pace, but is also his best friend.

KK and DSM have been best friends since 1988. They both went to Wits together, studied engineering and have remained friends ever since. They’ve been each other’s best men, mentor and confident ever since I can remember. In fact, they still speak to each other when they drive home from work almost every day. They’ve supported each other through the good times as well as the bad.

They think alike. They do things the same way. But through it all, they are inseparable.

This is never more evident than when you observe their running.

You see, they have been running partners for many years. Not only do they train together but also run every race together.

They dedicate every Tuesday, Thursday and Sundays to their training. They support each other during races, physically and mentally.

When KK has a bad run, DSM will slow down the pace and get KK to the finish line. When DSM struggles up the hills, KK pushes him. They set the same goals. They run the same race. They run as one.

Running alone is difficult. Pushing yourself is tough. Ask me, I know.

Some races require that extra something and if you have someone who wants you to achieve as much as you want them to, you’re already half way to that finish line.

It’s like that in life too…

We all have our own races to run. But without support, some of us fail to cross that finish line.

The day Rogeema ran for me

Posted on November 13, 2011 by Bo

Rogeema was one of the first people I engaged with on Twitter. It was a rocky start at first because, I mistakenly thought she was a guy and kept reading her name as Roger Kenny. I finally got to meet her in person when she organised a fabulous tweetup just before Two Oceans in April this year. She even managed to get Comrades winner, Stephen Muzhingi, to join us at the tweetup.

From that day, I knew this about Rog. If she puts her mind to something, you had better believe that it will happen.

So when she announced plans that she would be running a half marathon in 135 minutes in my honour, I knew nothing would stop her. Rog had read a previous blog post of mine where I openly blogged about an illness I was suffering with. She then decided that her next race would be dedicated to me. I urge you to read her story here… 135 minutes for Brony.

I’m going to be honest. From the start, I was not too keen on the idea. I felt that although I had blogged about my illness, I was not dying. In fact, further exposure made me incredibly uncomfortable. Exposed. Vulnerable.

Until 07h20 on Saturday morning that is….

I had just completed a 10km race out in Irene. Throughout the entire race, my mind was filled with thoughts about Rogeema. I thought about her blog, her training and the fact that she was out running for me. Every step I took, I thought about her.

As I finished my race, I raced back to the car to get my phone to get updates. Yes, raced. I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. As I saw the many tweets, I started to cry and realised just how much it meant to me, but also to her.

Rog ran her heart out! She did not manage the 135 minutes, but in my mind, it didn’t matter anymore. Her race had been won even before she started! Her time: 2:26 minutes.

Rogeema, words cannot express what you did for me. I am so touched.

Thanks also to these special people:

Morne Botha (@mohebo). I spoke to Morne at Rogeema’s tweetup. It was the most inspirational 5 minutes that pulled me through Two Oceans this year. Morne, do not under-estimate the motivational power you have.

Fadeelah Kenny (@fadeelahk) yesterday, she broke her long-standing PB by 1.5 mins! (2.19 minutes)

Hasanain Abdullah (@theworx) He heard about the 135 mins challenge and decided on the morning to join. His time: 2h16 minutes.

Vaughan McShane (@vaughanmcshane) Vaughan ran his first half marathon in an awesome time of 2h24 minutes. That totally rocks!

Keri Delport (@kez_delport) Ironwoman. Need I say more!

Adele MacCannel (@MissyMac77) who was running with a friend doing his 400^th race! *gulp*

Leigh (@Leighwatermouse) Official cheerleading squad which is sometimes more important that you can imagine. Thanks for your support and kind words!

About Rogeema: Rogeema is an electrical engineer by profession. She is also an ardent karate-ka and is currently at the level of 2^nd dan black belt. Her true passion is developing people and helping them reach their full potential through business, investing, sport, spirituality, personal development and education. She is also active in her community as a human rights activist and serves on the Western Cape committee of Mensa as the editor of The Tablet (quarterly e-zine). I know Rogeema as a runner. Her PB for a half marathon is 02:19:36.

But best of all, Rogeema is my friend!

Admit it. We’re all sick in the head. But that’s okay.

Posted on November 11, 2011 by Bo

An email arrived in my mailbox alerting me to the fact that 3rd December is “International Day of Persons with Disabilities”. I somehow scoffed at this because in my mind, society has not yet caught up with what I believe is the real disability crippling people, families and teams today.

Most people will tell you that when they think of disabilities, they think of those who have physical disabilities – the blind, the deaf, people who are in wheelchairs etc. Yet I am of the opinion that the biggest ‘disability’ facing most of us today is a mental one.

The world we live in has become a tough place. It’s a harsh cruel, ever-changing environment and unless you have your wits about you, it will eat you alive and spit you out. But then again, who does have their wits about them? Who is on top of things? Who’s coping? Not many in my opinion…

When I consider my family, my friends and my colleagues, majority of them do not know if they are coming or going. The levels of stress that are in each of our lives is massive and for most, just getting through the day is a challenge.

I work with colleagues who are too afraid to admit they are not coping. They would rather drown and have no work life balance than ask for help. I find it particularly difficult to watch single mothers battle the way they do. I find it tough to see executives in high positions struggling to lead. At this time of year, stats show that 1 in 5 matriculants think about suicide when writing their final exams.

Worse of all is that I find my own family members thinking they are all alone in this world with problems and issues as big as mountains on their shoulders and ready to quit. *cries*

The levels of stress that we are constantly under and the pressure on us to perform and cope are enormous. People (and their families) living with mental illnesses, such as depression, is an incredibly painful burden to bear and the strain is enormous. It can affect a person’s ability to work, form relationships, and destroy their quality of life.

Ironically, it’s much easier and acceptable to tell people you are blind, than admit that you are not coping. I don’t think that society has moved into a place where people will put up their hands and readily admit to needing help. And it’s especially difficult in the corporate sector where you will be labelled and considered weak and incompetent if you do. The stigma is career-limiting so people are reluctant to admit they have a problem.

Mental illness may take on many forms, and is far more prevalent in our society than we may care to admit. However, many people lack concrete knowledge about it. It gets swept under the carpet. Ignored.

That’s sad…