As the thousands of cyclists came rushing passed me riding the Momentum 94.7 Cycle Challenge race, I only realised today that making the decision not to ride the race weeks ago was finally a decision that put ME first. A decision where I selfishly thought about what I wanted to do and chose to ignore that niggling voice in my head that always tries to convince me otherwise.
Months ago, when everyone around me was deciding to ride and buying kits, the pressure to enter the race was immense. I know people meant well when they encouraged me to do it and I kept saying I was undecided and was thinking about it. I truly was. I religiously joined KK at every Monday and Wednesday spinning class at gym. I also entered two 40km cycling races and finished them feeling fresh and invigorated. I learnt that cycling is easier than running and was something I could do!
But what I realised seeing the brave cyclists with their red faces zooming passed me today is that I had made the decision based on what I wanted and not what I thought everyone around me wanted me to do. I am the type of person that often does what I think people expect me to do. I tend to be obsessed with doing things because I am afraid of what people will think of me. But not riding 94.7 was my decision. All mine.
In my heart I knew I would finish. KK had already worked out that I would comfortably finish in just over 5 hours. Besides, I LOVE my bike. (I’m a massive fan of the 29’incher MTB). So the odds were on my side. But is this one of my goals? Is completing the 94.7 something I wanted to do? Nope.
So sitting on my deck chair, sipping on iced tea, chewing on my jelly belly beans, I smiled and for a rare moment, felt at peace and content that I was doing something that made me happy and that I enjoyed. For a change, I was not riddled with guilt and FOMO (fear of missing out) but cheering on others and supporting them reach their goals in my own way.