Author Archives: Bo

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About Bo

Dog lover. Runner. Although very slowly. Keeping up with the stresses of running and life...

10 Tips for a Decade of Marriage

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My hubby (KK) and I celebrate 10 years of marriage in September. I’d like to share with you my 10 tips that have kept us together over the years…

1. SAY SORRY

A simple sorry breaks down barriers. In the end, it doesn’t matter who was wrong or right. But what matters is how you both feel when you are fighting. It’s horrible and miserable and in the end, so pointless. Say sorry and mean it. Then when you are ready, sit down and talk about the issue.

2. ALWAYS LOOK YOUR BEST (ACT AS IF YOU ARE STILL DATING)

Make the effort. Why is it that when the doorbell rings, we rush to comb our hair and quickly apply make-up, yet we are okay with our loved ones seeing us at our worst? I like to make sure I always look my best and pretty when I’m around KK. I wear my pretty ear rings and apply make-up on, even on the weekends. Don’t pluck your eye-brows or wax your legs in front of your man. Keep that element of surprise there.

3. FAMILY & FRIENDS

Most couples fight about each other’s family and/or friends yet these are the people that each other cares most about. Agree to disagree. Always remember that these are the very same people that helped built the character of the person you love. 

4. HOUSEHOLD CHORES – DIVIDE AND CONQUER

We both work very long, stressful hours, as most couples do. It is not fair to expect one person to still come home from work and ensure all the cooking and cleaning is done all by themselves. KK and I each have a list of set chores to do and we are each responsible for ensuring it gets done. We both contribute. I am grateful to have a husband who does the washing every day. 

5. GET A DOG (OR TWO)

Annie and Emma have given us hours of pleasure and brought joy to our lives. They make us laugh with their funny, unique personalities. Enough said. (I guess this is true for those of you who have kids)

6. THANK EACH OTHER. CONSTANTLY

Acknowledge one another. KK thanks me every night for supper. I thank him every morning for breakfast. And we both mean it. It’s not about what is being thanked for, but the acknowledgement that I am grateful for him in my life and what he means to me.

7. MAKE TIME TO BOND

A friend of mine criticized me recently, saying that KK and I need a break on weekends, that we do everything together. Yes, so we go to Woolies together, clothes shopping together, even gym on the weekends. Almost every Saturday evening, our ritual is to go to an early movie and supper. Our “Date Night”. We know that whilst we are hectically busy during the week, we can look forward to that time when we set aside everything to enjoy the time spent with each other. This is what works for us and it is still not old.

8. KNOW WHAT MAKES THE OTHER PERSON ‘TICK’

Recognize the things in life that are important to each other. Make an effort to understand what matters in each other’s lives. It is easier then to understand their hopes, challenges and disappointments.

9. EXPECT EACH OTHER TO CHANGE AND GROW

It’s only natural that you will each change and grow. But it’s important that you take each other on that journey with you. Or else you will drift apart. Change is a good thing and as long as it’s for the good, embrace it. KK cannot expect me to be the same person I was when he met me at 23 years of age to the woman I am at 36.

10. HOLD HANDS. KISS. SMILE AT EACH OTHER.

It’s the little things that add up to the big things. We still hold hands when we go out. And we still kiss before each meal at night. I won’t start eating until he does. And he won’t go to bed until I am ready to. And often, I will catch him out and just stop and say hello. And smile at him. And tell him I love him. Because I do…

11. MAKE TEA – Babes, I threw this one in just in case you’re reading my blog! *kiss*

 

Good is never good enough…

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Sitting in my mid-year appraisal this morning, it became apparent to me that I approach my work in very much the same way as I approach my running. In my mind I am never good enough. I am always striving to improve. And no matter how family or colleagues rate me, I continuously believe I could’ve done better. I always feel as if I have let myself down.

My very first 10km was the Valentines Race in Randburg. (this is an amazing race, so much atmosphere and awesome vibe – gr8 for newbies). My time was a solid 87 minutes. 

In my mind, the fact that I had finished was a victory in itself and we celebrated by getting Kentucky rounders on the way home (don’t judge okay). Three years later and my time has improved to 77 minutes. That equates to 1 whole minute off every kilometer. This is fantastic! Yet for me, still not good enough and lately, if I run a race that takes me longer than 80 minutes, I am depressed the whole day and feel highly irritated. 

It’s the same with my half marathons. I was the type of person that couldn’t run longer than 35 seconds on a dreadmill treadmill without stopping. I am now able to run 21.1kms. Non-stop. Most people cannot do this. Most people don’t even attempt the 35 seconds on the treadmill! 

I have managed to bring my half marathon times down from 3hrs 17mins (Johnson Crane 2009) to 2 hrs 48mins (Two Oceans 2011). 

I find that when I run, I tend to look more at my Garmin running watch on my wrist, watching the lap times, than I do on the road in front of me. Every kilometer is either too fast or too slow and I spend majority of the time stressing, doing the maths in my head as to what my final race time will be. 

I run each race hoping to get a faster time and a better PB (personal best). And yet that’s not possible at every race. People tell me not to worry about those around me, or the times, but to run and enjoy the race. I am not there yet… I ignore them.

I tackle my work in very much the same way. I strive to know more, push myself to work harder. Always thinking in my head that what I am doing is not good enough. However, come appraisal time and I am generally rated quite well. My boss and colleagues are happy with (most) of what I do and I do get very positive feedback. Great team player, good people skills, knowledgeable… 

So then what’s my problem? In striving to be this A performer (read: PB runner), I need to stop and consider the facts. I have the ability to run 21.1kms. I have done what most people cannot do. I have succeeded and got the medals (and the t-shirts). I have done what needs to be done and I’ve done it well. And even if I haven’t done well, and I’ve been disappointed, and fallen short of the mark, well.. that was yesterday, and this is today. 

I need to be happy and look on towards the next race and the next challenge. But remembering to look back and sometimes pat myself on the back for what I have been able to accomplish. Victory lap around my desk!

Well done Bron!

 

I’m not a know-it-all afterall…

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I’ve hit a very busy and hectic time at work. Workshops, brainstorming sessions and stakeholder engagements has kept me busy and working hard. Stress levels are at an all time high.

Having taken over numerous projects that I was previously not responsible for has been both exciting and stressful.  Budgeting, planning, strategizing… All taking me completely out of my comfort zone where previously I was in a role where I was known as the expert in my field.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt about myself it’s that I don’t want to be seen as a failure (nobody does, I guess). In today’s corporate world, it’s seen as weakness. I’m the type of person who likes to keep ahead of the rest. Highly competitive and wanting to be known as the “specialist’ in my field. I like to be seen as the ‘go-to’ person. Yet lately, I am sitting in the meetings, completely stressed out of my mind. You wouldn’t say so looking at me as I try give off the “I’m bored as hell” look. However, I am dying, especially because the cause of my stress is that it feels as if I am expected to know things – which I don’t. And for me, asking for help would sound like a big giant foghorn that I am weak. I’d get eaten alive!

However, it occurred to me today that I’ve noticed a big shift in my behavior and attitude as I sit in these meetings.

Previously, I looked up to the loud mouths in the room – the bullshitters, the confident entertainers. Those with the gift of the gab, the ones that don’t need to prepare for meetings, the ones who can wing it. They’ve always wow’ed me and I’ve always wanted to be “just like them”. But not anymore….

You see… wanting to be someone I am not, or will never be, will always cause me to be stressed. Pretending to know the answers is not what it’s about.

My attention these days has shifted to learning from those that sit quietly in the meetings, taking down the notes and asking the relevant questions. The ones that do not beat around the bush with fancy talk, corporate jargon that everyone is too scared to ask the meaning of. (latest one I heard was: Let’s tease it out. Huh? Do what?) These are the people that are unafraid to look like they don’t know. They are the ones that ask the questions, exposing themselves and not pretending to have all the answers. I have a lot of respect for them.

And so, I’ve started to put my hand up in meetings. I’ve started to shake my head and say, No, I don’t get it. No, I don’t understand. I’ve started to ask for help…

You see, in order to keep up with the walkers, I’ve realized that I’ll get ahead a lot further if I stop being so scared to ask for help. My colleagues too will respect me a lot more because in actual fact, we are all in the same boat. The world around us is moving at such a fast pace.

 Who really does have all the answers? I know I don’t. (OMG, the first step is acceptance, right? I’ve just taken my first step!)

 

Counting the days…

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It just so happens that in September KK and I will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary. It’s okay to gasp, I did!

How the hell did ten years fly by so quickly!

We decided a while back that we would celebrate by going on an overseas holiday and so we made a list of our favorite destinations.

Egypt was on the cards, but after that extraordinary revolution that happened in the country, we didn’t think it was the right time to go there on holiday.

KK suggested Japan, one of his favorite countries where he’s always wanted to take me to. However, that terrible earthquake hit. Recent attacks on tourist resorts in Morocco put us off  Club Med Morocco, which was also on our list.

Oh boy! It felt like it was never going to happen.

We finally decided on a cruise of the Mediterranean. It couldn’t have been a more perfect choice of destination! It was meant to be! (Girlie moment)

For our honeymoon, we had gone on a similar cruise 10 years ago.

This would be a trip rekindling those memories and going back to the places where we originally sat, watching the sunset, sharing our dreams for the future.

We simply cannot wait! *WHOOP*