Holding on to (false) hope

I love this time of year! It’s mid-December and everywhere I look, I’m surrounded by wonderful Christmas decorations, the traffic is a breeze because the schools have broken up and my brain is fuzzy as I try desperately to focus on those last few meetings at work before closing the door on yet another (hectic) year.

But this year is different. A scan of any Twitter feed or Facebook timeline will reveal a lot about the state of the country with rolling blackouts and scheduled load shedding. It’s as if we’re stuck so deep in this situation that we’re unable to see beyond it. It feels like a national depression and as the negativity dominates the conversations, it’s very difficult to remain positive. In fact, it’s draining.

Load shedding candle

I’d like to think that everything about me is positive. My attitude, the way I view the world, my reactions to situations. But I must admit, even I am tired of being positive. I don’t know how much longer I can remain positive when reality sets in. I’m sitting on that fence between denial and anger.

As we passed the four hour load shedding mark on Sunday, I sat confidently on the couch, saying to KK that the electricity would go on at any second. I trusted the Eskom schedule. But as the doubt crept in, I knew I would be receiving the dreaded, “I told you so” remark which would crush my spirit. But I did not allow him to see any sign of my despair and smiled back. When the microwave beeped as the electricity was restored, I almost burst out crying. I’m tired. I’m done.

Yes, it’s that time of the year that I love so much, but in a way, my heart is not in it. My head is far, far away… holding on to hope.

(ps: Out of interest, have you changed any of your habits to try help the situation? Switching off non-essential appliances? Planned for load shedding?)

(Image credit: Google images)

3 thoughts on “Holding on to (false) hope

  1. I’m feeling the same Bron. Just not feeling it at all.
    Combination of a bunch of personal tragedy and the load shedding has also really been getting me down, so difficult to manage & cope, especially with two small children in the house.
    We have been braaing a lot more than usual, and that is a lot and are way more conscious of leaving lights on etc.

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  2. Fortunately I might be unemployed and pretty much broke all of the time but living in country where “shedding” isn’t common place is a breathe of fresh air. That must be so infuriating?? I remember going back to SA in 2010 and having wait on the runway because there was no electricity?! Its seems the whole system is up the creak? If I go back it’ll only be for a visit don’t think I could live like that again..

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