About Bo

Dog lover. Runner. Although very slowly. Keeping up with the stresses of running and life...

It’s easier to just make you a cuppa tea

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Bo

I’m not comfortable dealing with old or sick people. To this day, I am still racked with guilt that I did not have it in my heart to bath my gran when she was still alive. Instead, I made tea.

So while my sister bathed my gran, even to the point of giving her a pedi, I knew that once she was done, I would sit at the kitchen table with tea and Marie Biscuits, listening to her talk for hours. It’s the least I could do…

On Saturday, my sister and I went to visit a close friend of the family who has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumour. Having “survived” lung cancer, she has now been told by her doctor to ‘get her affairs in order’ and consider moving into a frail care facility.

Not having seen her for many years, it was wonderful that as we walked through the door to her room in the hospital that she recognised us and was so happy to see us. Within a few minutes, we were chatting about work, life, reminiscing about the good old times and joking about the doctors.

As it always does, the conversation gets to those awkward silences. I was strangely nervous, uncomfortable. I had so many questions but kept quiet.

I’m just going to say what I was thinking…

How do you ask someone who’s dying how long they’ve got? Do you even bring something like that up in conversation? Do you ask such questions? And then what do you say? Is it my place to ask?

I have an analytical mind. I like to work things out, make sense of things, plan ahead, knowing what we’re in for. But without the facts, I hate sitting around in total darkness, not knowing what to do.

So we chatted and chatted (actually, it was my sister that did most of it) and we laughed, even making jokes about her tumour. And eventually we left.

I have no idea when I will see her again or if this will be the last time that I do?

It feels like I should be doing something. But do what? And if I haven’t made an effort for so long, would it appear false?

Do I just walk away now and wait? That sounds terrible. Heartless…

I feel so helpless. It feels as if I have so many unanswered questions.

It’s so much easier to make tea.

I choose to run…

Posted on October 5, 2011 by Bo

Do you ever feel like running away from a situation?

When I was 10 years old, I ran away from home. Well, it was to the Van Rensburg’s house a few doors away from my house in the same complex, but still, I ran away. I was running away from a hiding that my mom was about to give me. We used to get hidings with a leather belt called Elvis. (written on it “Die kinders spring as Elvis sing” – but that’s a whole different blog post).

I remember that evening quite clearly. I had run away, trying to avoid getting a hiding (I can’t remember what for) and somehow thought that by the time (if) I returned home, all would be forgiven and forgotten. But that wasn’t meant to be. My mom was patiently waiting for me.

It started to get dark and I sat outside on the wall in the garden, not knowing what to do. Eventually I began to weight up my options. Would it be better to sit it out? Would I be able to survive a whole evening on my own (without supper or a jersey) or would it be easier just to go home and face the music?

Eventually my sister came to fetch me and said, “You might as well come home, get your hiding over and done with so we can all go to bed!” She was right. I had to face it. Which I did…

These days, I feel like that little girl again…

I sit at my desk at work, surrounded by talented individuals who are bogged down with a negative vibe, battling office politics and stress like I’ve never seen before. This time around, I am not the one facing the hiding but it feels as if running away is the only option available to me.

I would much rather sit on the wall, in the dark, cold and hungry than face the day-to-day stress of working in such a hostile environment surrounded by such negativity. It’s slowly starting to take its toll.

I mentioned it to my mentor in our last session. He picked up on some of my anxiety and said,

“Bron, don’t run away just because the heat in the kitchen is getting too hot. You will find stress no matter where you go. Face it. Confront it.”

Very much like I was forced to do that evening outside the Van Rensburg’s house.

But right now, I don’t have the energy. I think I’ll take my chances and just run…

My friend Conrad

Posted on October 3, 2011 by Bo

If you had told me 20 years ago that today, one of my best friends would be a tall, skinny, gay Afrikaans guy, I would never have believed you. You see, I grew up in a fairly conservative household. With a charismatic upbringing and a tight bunch of school friends, I never questioned anyone else’s views and was rarely exposed to people “different” than myself.

Until I met Conrad …

Just writing about him makes me smile at all the many times he has made me laugh. He has an incredible sense of dry humour and will often say the funniest things out of the blue that have me in stitches for hours.

I trust Conrad. He is one of the very few people I trust and believe me, there aren’t many. He is someone who I can tell absolutely anything to without being judged and he will give me advice based on what is best for me, not what he thinks I want to hear. Too often, I’ve been in a crisis situation and called on his help and he’s been there.

I can also be completely open and honest with him. Such as the time KK and I went to see the acclaimed production of Cats, and we just didn’t “get it”. I bumped into Conrad during the interval and as he looked at me, he knew. He just smiled and said, “Well at least you aren’t faking it like most people here.”

Conrad ‘hears’ me. There aren’t that many people who can listen to your conversation and actually pick out exactly what it is that’s really bugging you. He’s good at this.

He makes me think about the difficult questions and forces me to at least take a stand with issues.

Perhaps one of the biggest lessons he’s taught me is this:

Just because people are not the same as you, or think the same as you, or look and act or dress the same as you, does not mean that they are wrong and that you are right.

In fact, by being friends with someone so different to yourself can actually open your eyes to views about life that you would never have thought about or have had a chance to think about.

And since meeting him, I’ve had the opportunity to do this often which has helped me grow as a person.

I am lucky to have a friend like him in my life.

Thank-you Conrad.

I cheat. But hey, it works.

Posted on September 30, 2011 by Bo

Time trial: Measuring your current level of performance against the clock on a mapped out distance. In essence, evidence of running the same course regularly in order to see how much you’ve improved or worsened. In most cases, the route is either 5km or 8km.

I can still remember my very first time trial (TT). I was new to running and up until that stage had only attempted one or two 3km runs around the block near our complex. However being a seasoned runner, and having made it sound so easy, KK convinced me to join him at the Tuesday RAC time trial at the Old Parktonian Sports Club in Randburg.

Bubbling with nervousness and excitement, I joined the other runners gathered at the meeting point on the field. After the usual race announcements, we all headed out. As the runners reached the first corner, I was already exhausted and needed to walk.

(For those who are familiar with the time trial route at RAC Running Club, the 1^st km starts out on the cricket field and then weaves onto another one. In fact, the first 800 meters feels as if your feet are being sucked into the ground as you run on lush, green grass until you reach the gate leading on to the busy street.)

It came as a shock to my body and the more I walked, the more people ran passed me until I looked around and saw no one.

I was last. Stone last.

My first 5km time trial took me approximately 52 mins. Almost a full hour. By the time we finished (KK walked most of the way with me – bless him), it was getting dark and the majority of runners were getting ready to leave the club to go home. As happy as I was that I had completed my first TT, it did set in motion what would be my TT training in the future.

Since that day, I do not start with all the other runners. Why not? Simple: That mental breakdown of coming last it too great. It’s not worth that feeling of failure. I know that I most probably won’t ever come last again, but I’m not going to take any chances.

Nowadays, I like to hit the road before 17h30 and take my time. I also don’t have scores of athletes shooting passed me as if I’m standing still. I can concentrate on my own pace.

I still remember the day that two guys, carrying a canoe, came running passed me at time trial and I couldn’t catch them! Obviously training for some canoe race… I guess.

I also skip the 800m running on the field. It’s too draining. Mentally and physically. It’s as if I can’t get going and it saps me of all the excitement of the run. Running on grass is not easy. Well, for me at least.

No. I start where the walkers start (how ironic!) which then cuts the route down to almost 4.2km.

Judge me as you wish, but what matters is that it’s my training. It’s my time trial. It’s my run. And I’m there… doing it. My way.

Is it cheating? Maybe. But it’s what works for me. See you on the road!

Tuesday 27th September TT time: 33:05 Distance: 4.2km