One of the worst and probably saddest memories I have of being young and single was when I used to order take-out on a Friday night. I would phone up Mr Delivery and would order three or sometimes even four different meals, just so that the delivery guy didn’t think I was alone and felt sorry for me. (height of lame, I know).
Two burgers and chips, throw in a 2 litre coke, Mexican pizza, extra chilli and calamari and rice (which was usually my meal). I remember clearly that when the delivery guy used to arrive at the house, I’d call out to empty rooms on the other side of the house, ‘Guys, your burgers are here…’ *echo*. But at least I fooled him. I think.
Years later and I couldn’t give two hoots what Mr Delivery thinks of me, but I still hate being alone. I haven’t been alone for quite a number of years now since getting married, but with KK having gone off on a business trip, I’ve been all by myself. It’s been tough. I’ve hated it.
At first, I had plans to fill my time: I planned to blog, to visit my folks, to gym (and lose lots of weight), read magazines while my painted nails dried and generally spend time doing ‘stuff’ I never get around to doing. None of this has happened. In fact, since he left, I fear I may be on the verge of developing a severe case of bed sores. All I seem to do is get home from work and hibernate in the bedroom, watching TV in bed and drinking too many cups of tea. I’ve also started to talk to myself. Out loud!
I’ve realised that I am miserable being alone especially when KK and I do almost everything together. And I mean everything! We go to gym together, we go shopping together; we will even wait for each other to get tired before heading off to bed. The worst part is that I have been forced to run at the gym for fear that if I do run out in the streets, there is no one waiting for me to get home safely.
It’s not so much loneliness but being alone. It’s doing things all by myself and not with my best friend.
I really miss you KK and I’m counting the days until you get home. Not long now…