About Bo

Dog lover. Runner. Although very slowly. Keeping up with the stresses of running and life...

Helpless. Yes, that’s my word.

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Bo

Trawling through my Twitter timeline before walking into the office yesterday morning, I came across a tweet from one of my favourite tweeps, @Anatinus. The question she posed was, “If you had to choose one word to describe yourself today, what would it be?”

I sat in my car for a few minutes, trying to come up with a word, but couldn’t. Being the positive person that I am and always wanting to display a happy, shining disposition, I kept thinking up clever, cheerful words to describe myself. But yet none of them seemed to describe exactly what is going on in my head.

My head is spinning. I keep trying to come up with the right answer, the solution to a problem but keep hitting a brick wall.

I’m anxious. Worried. Concerned. Deeply saddened. Angry. But mostly helpless.

Two of my closest friends are hurting. They are in the lowest of lows. In a dip and as much as I try to reach down and pull them up, I can’t. No matter what I tell each of them or how I try to convince them of what is right, it feels as if it’s falling on deaf ears. But their situations are not unique. We’ve all been there (or are there) at some point in our lives.

Why do we torture ourselves? Why do we allow ourselves to go through pain and hurt? Why do we allow others to treat us so badly? Why do we not want the very best for ourselves? Why do we accept second best? Why is it so difficult to walk away from someone who we know deep down inside does not love us as much as we love them? Why do we fight for relationships we know are wrong and are unhealthy and will only end in tears?

Watching from the outside, seeing the sadness in their eyes, watching their self-esteems drop, I can only hold their hands and be there for them. But it’s tough.

I’m helpless…

What word would you use to describe yourself?

Sticks and stones (and words) can break my bones

Posted on May 17, 2012 by Bo

It is amazing how one person can make such a difference to how you ‘see’ yourself and what you believe you can accomplish. That person can either build you up or break you down – if you allow them to.

When I was growing up, I always wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to write, to tell stories, to find out and share information. The path I landed up taking was into librarianship and so I found myself surrounded by books and information, unfortunately not written by me. But I found happiness.

In 2002, I started working in a financial institution where one of my tasks was to write a monthly report. From day one, I struggled. I was not used to working with Word and I was constantly beaten down by my manager. Even after attending a course on report writing, I was still not getting it right and up to ‘her’ standards.

I still remember her words to me, “I made a mistake in hiring you because I thought you could write. But you can’t. Perhaps you should just focus on research instead.” Ironically, this is what I did. Fast forward 10 years and through friends who believed in me, I started a blog. I’ve loved every single minute of it. The feedback is not so much about my writing skills, but about what I’ve been writing about.

No one criticizes the occasional spelling mistake. No one tells me I don’t know how to use styles properly. I don’t get red pen scratches all over my posts. The comments and feedback are always positive and always telling me how my posts have hit a mark or touched people in a certain way.

That’s powerful and humbling at the same time.

I was chatting to a friend recently and he was expressing concern that in life, majority of people can not articulate what the want to do. People just don’t know. He went on to explain that it’s not about what ‘job’ you want to do as much as a simple ‘thing’ you want to accomplish in life. It’s up to each one of us to know what that ‘thing’ is.

It’s then that it hit me. I know what I’ve been enjoying in the last couple of months. I know what has made me happy, what has overtaken my time and fuels my thoughts all day long. I know what I want to do.

I want to write…

Autumn

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Bo

I’m quite schizophrenic when it comes to Autumn. On the one hand, I hate the cold nights, the dry skin, the static hair and not knowing what to wear because it’s not yet Winter. Running becomes difficult and excuses not to run become easier to find. But on the other hand, there’s nothing more majestic than driving through Jo’burg and seeing the beautiful colours of Autumn as the leaves start falling.

My Autumn has arrived with many highs as well as lows…

KK’s business trip away confirmed… going to my first Jewish wedding… a new bird feeder… my mom’s birthday… Mother’s Day… a fun evening out with work colleagues… a day off doing absolutely nothing… a sick (and overweight) dog… a stressed out family member… a best friend who continues to avoid me… a giggle about Julia Roberts… a foot massage that made me cry… a suicide of a stranger… lunch in the park with the girls… flowers blooming in my garden… the passing away of a tweep… plantar fasciitis which is healing slowly… and a 15km running race which made me realise my running mojo is returning.

Yes. Autumn has definitely arrived and as much as I think it will remain sunny forever, it won’t. Things change, whether I like it or not. Seasons change. There’s no stopping it and Winter is on its way.

Running, like life, comes with many up hills

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Bo

A friend asked me the other day what race I would recommend she should attempt to run as her first road race. She made the comment, “I want a nice easy race. No hills, nothing too tough. It must be as flat as possible.”

The ironic thing is that with running, the flat races are sometimes the most boring. They might appear easy but in the long run, they don’t provide much of a challenge. All you’ve got is the road ahead of you where your pace is unlikely to change much and your body is kept at a consistent level of exertion.

You see, the races that come with rolling hills are tough, but when you push yourself up the hills, the joy of reaching the top and the feeling of speeding up and letting yourself go on the downhills is fantastic. The mental negotiation you have between your mind and your body as you fight the urge to stop running and the freedom you feel when you reach the top and cruise downhill is victorius. You learn so much about yourself when you force your body to go beyond its limits and to succeed.

I guess most of us wish for those flat races, those times when everything runs smoothly, calmly and there are no bumps in the road to upset our plans. However, life is never that easy. It’s only by dealing with the up hills and overcoming the stresses of those difficult times in our lives that we learn to appreciate things more and learn more about ourselves.

Today’s rat race, with all its stresses and problems, is not easy, no matter what type of runner (or walker) you are. But often, it’s worth welcoming the up hills in our lives because once we push through, the rewards are worth it.