Look ahead and start again

I received some feedback recently at work which has been really difficult to acknowledge. The feedback was harsh. Inside I was crushed.

I’ve taken a few days to try & understand the situation and see how I could do things differently. And as always, I turned to my blog. I was reading some older posts when I started to recognize some of the comments that people had fed back about me reflected in some of the posts I had written about myself and my running.

When it comes to my running, I am unforgiving when I fail; I am highly critical about myself; I am hard on myself; I only see faults, never anything good…

Oh my word. Yup! I am that person.

I’ve often said that the corporate world is not for sissies. It’s especially tough when there are so many goals to achieve, so many deadlines and expectations to fulfill. Being an A-type personality doesn’t help. Through all the chaos, my only sense of security was to increase control of the work, micro manage, be over-critical and not open to failure. It’s all there, I can see it now.

The same way that I need to sometimes go back to simply enjoying my running, needs to be the same way I approach this situation. I need to step back and understand where it’s going wrong. It needs a fresh new start and perhaps focus on the positives and the successes.

The same day I received the feedback at work was the same day I made the decision to start on a clean slate with my running. New beginnings. New running goals. New start.

Everything in life can be fixed. It’s not the end of the world, right? It’s quite a relief to be given the chance to start again.

Thank goodness for waterproof mascara.

The light at the end of the (rat) race

After 6 months of hard training, you’d think that this week would be one of rest, relaxation and gearing the mind mentally to tackle 89kms of running. But instead, it’s been a very bad week where we’ve both been stressed out, niggly, irritated with one another and not resting at all. I’m shattered and feel as if I’m the one that has already run the race.

It started going downhill on Sunday morning when our geyser burst. Then it got worse when our home insurer did not provide the service we expected which left us with a leaking geyser until Wednesday. It’s not fun when a plumber arrives at 23h45 and tells you he can’t fix your geyser. *drip, drip, drip*

Then at work, I somehow damaged my laptop by sandwiching my pen in between the screen and keyboard leaving it bruised and broken. I’ve been given a loan laptop but all my ‘stuff’ is on the old one. Frustrating.

Our ADT alarm kept going off for no reason, even if someone is at home. A new battery was needed so I had to rush around trying to find one. It’s only when you’re looking for a particular shop in Sandton City that you notice just how many of the shops have moved around. And hardly anyone knows where the “Home Security Shop” is. (Next to Edgars)

Catching up on our favourite shows was a nightmare as our Apple TV would not work. We hardly ever have buffering but this week, we haven’t been that lucky.

I also found it difficult dealing with colleagues, the ones who hold on to information like their security blanket. It’s ironic that my role is one of collaboration but getting other people to actually share information with me has been a true challenge. *I’m now like, speak to the hand*

I’m tired. I’m weepy. I cannot wait to get away from it all. I need a break. Heading down to Durban is just what we need! From this moment on, I plan to switch off and focus entirely on the vision of seeing KK cross that finish line. Comrades, here we come!

Comrades logo

Relaxing on the run

When we’re not out running a race, I dedicate my Sunday runs to long, slow, drawn-out distances (more commonly known as LSD’s). It’s a time to be by myself, get time on my feet and just relax. But on my run this morning, I began to notice how tense I was. When I walked the dreaded hill up passed Cumberland, I felt incredibly guilty for walking. As I headed down the beautiful tree-lined Elgin Road, I kept checking my watch and calculating time. What for?

I eventually stopped, breathed and re-examined why I was out running in the first place. It wasn’t to get a PB, so why the rush? It wasn’t to do any speed work or hill training, so why the guilt? I consciously had to slow down and start my run over again, ensuring I was doing so with the right frame of mind as I ran.

I found today’s experience similar to when I go for a spa treatment. Numerous times throughout the session, I have to actually tell myself to relax. And when I do, I can feel my body calming down and unwinding, but I need to do this a few times. It seems as if I’m constantly wired and uptight. Relaxing does not come easy to me.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel as if the lives we live today have become so stressful, so tense that we are in a 24/7 state of anxiety and tension?

Running definitely allows me to release some of that worked up tension and really gives me the time and space to think (and over think) everything that’s going on in my head. But every now & then, it’s good to stop and examine the reasons for doing something in the first place.

So as I stood on the pavement and took a deep breath, I slowly started running again. I promised myself that my Sunday runs were all about me giving back to my body and to relaxing my mind. But mostly to be out there enjoying myself.

Just run

I must say, the rest of my run went much better. I decided that although I love posting my runs to Strava & Facebook, it might help to leave the watch at home every now and then. If only to relax while I run.

(Image: http://thoughtsandpavement.com/tag/runner/)

Surviving the week – Hannah Montana style

If it’s not Taylor Swift telling me she’s like, never ever, whatever getting back together, or Bieber believer vomit fever, there’s just no escaping the teeny bopper music dominating the airwaves today.

But there is one song, sung by Miley Cyrus which I just can’t get enough of. In fact, it’s the cheesiest one of the lot, but the words are so incredible that I often listen to it, just to remind myself that no matter how stressed out I am at work, no matter how tough my running races are, no matter what I may be going through right now, I’ll get through it…

Below are the words and I trust you will survive Monday and have a good week!

I can almost see it. That dream I am dreaming. But there’s a voice inside my head saying, “You’ll never reach it.”
Every step I’m taking, every move I make feels lost with no direction. My faith is shaking. But I gotta keep trying. Gotta keep my head held high.

There’s always gonna be another mountain. I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be a uphill battle. Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose.
Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.

The struggles I’m facing, the chances I’m taking. Sometimes might knock me down, but no, I’m not breaking.
I may not know it but these are the moments that I’m gonna remember most, yeah just gotta keep going.

And I got to be strong. Just keep pushing on.

‘Cause there’s always gonna be another mountain. I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be a uphill battle. Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose.
Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb, yeah!

There’s always gonna be another mountain. I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Somebody’s gonna have to lose.
Ain’t about how fast I get there Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side It’s the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing. Keep the faith, baby. It’s all about, it’s all about the climb. Keep the faith, keep your faith…

“The Climb” – Miley Cyrus