Category Archives: My Engineer

Silencing the addict

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I’ll be the first to admit it – getting a Blackberry changed my life. It changed it in the most wonderful, but also destructive way.

It connects me… to work, to news, to old friends, to new friends, to celebrities, to communities… 24/7. No longer do I watch TV alone. I am the first to know of breaking news and events. I am connected to people I would never before have had any access to. 

But just as euphoric as it has been, I have became so accustomed to it being there, that when I do not have my phone with me, I go into total melt down. And no, I am not kidding.

I have developed a habit of checking my phone every 23 seconds, sometimes, every 7 seconds. I never log off Twitter. I read work emails over the weekend and will reply without hesitation. I wake up at 2am and check my Twitter time line. I hold it in my hand while i cook supper, I take it to the loo (overshare), and even check it during runs on the treadmill at gym.

In fact, when I see that little red light flashing, my heart skips a beat. I HAVE to check my phone and respond if necessary. (Blackberry addicts, you guys know what’s it like, right?) 

But here’s my dilemma. 

Soon, KK and I fly out to Europe for a 3 week holiday to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I have made the decision to leave my phone at home. For 3 weeks… No Twitter. No Facebook. No BBMs. No emails.

*gasp* I know!

My friends will know that this has not been an easy decision to make. In fact, KK and I have had many arguments as to “why” I would need to take my phone with me in the first place. For someone who isn’t on social media platforms, it’s difficult to explain.

It has nothing to do with not wanting to enjoy every second of my holiday with KK. It has nothing to do with the excitement of going away. But it’s about not being able to share every precious moment with those I have become so used to sharing everything with… 

I will be going from being connected to my virtual friends and chatting non-stop, to nothing. Silence. 

So, yes, this will be my last blog entry for a while. My Blackberry is currently in overdrive as I send as many tweets and RT’s as I possibly can. The withdrawals will come. I know that. And I will miss it.

But the only person I want to be talking to for the next 3 weeks is KK. Because in the bigger scheme of things, that’s who matters!

All I can offer you right now is to kiss your wet nose…

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My suggestion to go to Wet Nose Day was met with some reluctance from KK. The excuses rolled off his tongue but I think the main reason he was not keen is because he was dreading it if I suddenly decided I wanted to adopt a dog and bring it home.

With a lot of convincing and the promise of a boerewors roll for lunch, off we went.

Most people are like KK. He finds animal shelters and places such as the SPCA unbearable. He does not like seeing the dogs, locked up in tiny cages, walking in their own urine and poo, with sad eyes begging for someone to love them. It was no different at the Wet Nose Animal Rescue Centre.

The cages were full of dogs. Some had been there for quite a number of years, others were new to the centre. There was a mix of pure-bred dogs, such as a sharpei and husky, as well as pavement specials. As with all characters in life, there were the extroverts who performed little tricks as you passed their cage, whilst the introverts kept to themselves and avoided eye contact. All of them just wanted love…

KK did one trip through the kennels but then opted to sit and wait on the grass while I did a second trip. The look on his face said it all.

I do understand that it’s not for everyone. I get that. But what he doesn’t understand is that I see it quite differently…

When I was 15, my sister and I volunteered at the SPCA. Every Saturday and one Sunday a month, we would get involved in office admin duties, assisting distressed owners who came looking for their lost pets, helping families to chose a new dog or cat to adopt or just documenting all dogs that came in and were reported as strays.

From my recollection, we saw more dogs and cats being adopted than those coming in as strays or being put down.

I think the many years of working at the SPCA somehow prepared me. It “hardened” me in a way to accept that cruelty is a part of everyday life.

It made me understand that as much as I don’t want to see it or be confronted with it, I cannot think that it doesn’t happen or doesn’t exist.  

I take my hat off to places like Wet Nose, Animal Anti-Cruelty and SPCA who are doing everything they can, with limited funds, to take starving, sick or abused dogs off the streets and try to give them a better life.

I have a confession…

No, we did not come home with a dog. But I did choose one, just in case KK changed his mind (which he didn’t).

Here he is… His name is Moglee.

He’s too big for the dog flap in the kitchen. Perhaps a bit too heavy to lie on the couch. And I doubt Annie and Emma would appreciate a new family member without being consulted first.  

But for a few moments as I stood, giving him a ‘love’, he was mine…

The Rotten Tree

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When KK announced that he was cutting down the skew tree in the garden, I was heartbroken. The tree stands in the corner of the garden, next to the garden light and water feature. It is also home to my bird feeder which has brought me hours of joy as I’ve watched the birds from my kitchen window.

When we planted the tree about 5 years ago, it was a little skew. We didn’t think anything of it at the time, but over the years, it has unfortunately grown so skew, that it had now begun to fall over.

In my view, it gave the garden some character and life. But to KK, an engineer, it wasn’t right. Things in life needed to be perfect, straight, in line (yes, even in nature).

As the tree began to fall over, its huge branches started to suffocate the other plants around it. The garden bed became very dark and the branches blocked the lamp. We eventually had to turn the water feature off because the leaves kept dipping into the water, splashing it over the edge, requiring the fountain to be filled daily – a chore KK was not keen on.

We were unable to plant any flowers under the tree because it was too shady and lately, a disease was eating at its leaves and even though we sprayed with insecticide, it didn’t help much.

The tree was rotten. It was not healthy. It was growing skew and could not be helped. I kept making excuses to keep it “alive” but I could not carry on making excuses anymore.

Armed with a wood saw, axe and pruning shears, it took KK a mere 2 hours to cut the tree out. Even most of the roots pulled out easily, proving that they had started to rot.

As we removed all the cut branches and cleaned up the leaves, I stood back to assess. I was most surprised to find that the gap where the tree had been all of a sudden looked clean, fresh, sunny. By removing the tree, so much light and sun was able to shine down on that area. (I’m thinking seedlings might grow here now!).

I know it’s my imagination, but the other plants looked like they were “free” and could stretch out, breathe and be seen.

The rotten tree reminded me of all those rotten people in my life: the negative people who feel like they are strangling me with their narrow-minded views and opinions. The people who claim to be my friends, yet emotionally abuse me and who hurt me. The people who do not care about anyone else but themselves and bring nothing positive to my life.

I make excuses for them, keep them in my life, accepting who they are, and yet I know that they do more harm to me than good.

Sometimes, I need to realise that some relationships are not worth saving and only by removing them can I make way for new ones.

KK said next week we’ll go look for a new tree to replace the rotten one. In the meantime, I need to look for a new place to hang my bird feeder…

10 Tips for a Decade of Marriage

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My hubby (KK) and I celebrate 10 years of marriage in September. I’d like to share with you my 10 tips that have kept us together over the years…

1. SAY SORRY

A simple sorry breaks down barriers. In the end, it doesn’t matter who was wrong or right. But what matters is how you both feel when you are fighting. It’s horrible and miserable and in the end, so pointless. Say sorry and mean it. Then when you are ready, sit down and talk about the issue.

2. ALWAYS LOOK YOUR BEST (ACT AS IF YOU ARE STILL DATING)

Make the effort. Why is it that when the doorbell rings, we rush to comb our hair and quickly apply make-up, yet we are okay with our loved ones seeing us at our worst? I like to make sure I always look my best and pretty when I’m around KK. I wear my pretty ear rings and apply make-up on, even on the weekends. Don’t pluck your eye-brows or wax your legs in front of your man. Keep that element of surprise there.

3. FAMILY & FRIENDS

Most couples fight about each other’s family and/or friends yet these are the people that each other cares most about. Agree to disagree. Always remember that these are the very same people that helped built the character of the person you love. 

4. HOUSEHOLD CHORES – DIVIDE AND CONQUER

We both work very long, stressful hours, as most couples do. It is not fair to expect one person to still come home from work and ensure all the cooking and cleaning is done all by themselves. KK and I each have a list of set chores to do and we are each responsible for ensuring it gets done. We both contribute. I am grateful to have a husband who does the washing every day. 

5. GET A DOG (OR TWO)

Annie and Emma have given us hours of pleasure and brought joy to our lives. They make us laugh with their funny, unique personalities. Enough said. (I guess this is true for those of you who have kids)

6. THANK EACH OTHER. CONSTANTLY

Acknowledge one another. KK thanks me every night for supper. I thank him every morning for breakfast. And we both mean it. It’s not about what is being thanked for, but the acknowledgement that I am grateful for him in my life and what he means to me.

7. MAKE TIME TO BOND

A friend of mine criticized me recently, saying that KK and I need a break on weekends, that we do everything together. Yes, so we go to Woolies together, clothes shopping together, even gym on the weekends. Almost every Saturday evening, our ritual is to go to an early movie and supper. Our “Date Night”. We know that whilst we are hectically busy during the week, we can look forward to that time when we set aside everything to enjoy the time spent with each other. This is what works for us and it is still not old.

8. KNOW WHAT MAKES THE OTHER PERSON ‘TICK’

Recognize the things in life that are important to each other. Make an effort to understand what matters in each other’s lives. It is easier then to understand their hopes, challenges and disappointments.

9. EXPECT EACH OTHER TO CHANGE AND GROW

It’s only natural that you will each change and grow. But it’s important that you take each other on that journey with you. Or else you will drift apart. Change is a good thing and as long as it’s for the good, embrace it. KK cannot expect me to be the same person I was when he met me at 23 years of age to the woman I am at 36.

10. HOLD HANDS. KISS. SMILE AT EACH OTHER.

It’s the little things that add up to the big things. We still hold hands when we go out. And we still kiss before each meal at night. I won’t start eating until he does. And he won’t go to bed until I am ready to. And often, I will catch him out and just stop and say hello. And smile at him. And tell him I love him. Because I do…

11. MAKE TEA – Babes, I threw this one in just in case you’re reading my blog! *kiss*