Living in a world of darkness

Posted on July 1, 2012 by Bo

I remember when I was a little girl and we used to play this game, “would you rather be blind or deaf.” I think at that young age, I had no idea what I was talking about, it was just something we used to think about at school. But turn the clock forward 30 years and I got the opportunity to visit the Dialogue in the Dark exhibition at Sci-Bono in Newtown which put things into perspective for me and enabled me to give it some serious thought.

In a nutshell, the visitors are led by visually impaired guides through a series of specially constructed and totally darkened galleries, where sound, temperature, wind and texture in the completely dark environment allows one to learn to interact by relying on other senses.

Sounds easy, right? Wow! Nothing prepared me for the experience. In the first few minutes of entering the exhibition, my whole body screamed inside and I wanted out! I was frightened. I panicked. Nothing prepared me for the experience. I was quite surprised how I was forced to rely on my other senses. It was completely dark. Even with my eyes wide open, I could see nothing. Nothing…

It’s an experience I cannot describe. It’s an experience that only once you’ve been through the exhibition, can you really understand what it must be like to be blind. It was an eye-opener (eish!) to see (yikes!) what blind people live with every day of their lives and how we take the smallest things, such as a walk through a park and buying a drink at a bar, for granted. Try doing that as a blind person.

The experience was so humbling too and I have a renewed appreciation for my sight. I learnt something about myself. Being forced into a situation such as that, I realized how quickly and easy it was to rely and trust others, something I don’t typically do. But being blind, you have no choice. I also found a sense of comfort in holding on to someone and constantly hearing their voice – Completely opposite to how I cope.

In future, I’ll think twice when seeing a blind person because their lives are a lot more challenging than what we realise. They’re also a lot stronger and braver than I am. That’s for flippin’ sure!

Stop running. Seek help.

Posted on May 29, 2012 by Bo

I’ve never shared this secret with anyone, but I had such a big fear of public speaking that a couple of years ago, I sought the help of a psychiatrist to help me overcome that fear.

At the time, it was part of my job to present to a crowd of approximately 80 people on a monthly basis. The ironic thing is that the feedback from my boss was that colleagues loved my presentations and so, at every opportunity, she would volunteer my name to present.

I hated it. I hated it so much. I couldn’t sleep. I was sick the night before. It became so bad that for one whole week every month before the meeting, I was a nervous wreck.

So I started to see a psychiatrist.

It’s not like the movies. I didn’t get to lie on my back and talk about my feelings. He didn’t have a soothing voice and a notebook and pen. In fact, it was tough. He gave me homework to do!

The biggest question he taught me to ask myself is: Is it true?

So when I worry that people will laugh at me, I ask “Is it true?” No, they won’t. They’re even more terrified of standing up and presenting than I am. It’s a fear that majority of humans have.

When I think I will forget my words and people will judge me, I ask, “Is it true?” No. I have never forgotten my words and if I do, it’s fine. Move on.

It’s not so much as overcoming the fears, but being in control of my anxiety and stress.

When I look back now, I realise just how much I’ve grown and how far I’ve come.

Yes, I still feel incredibly nervous when I have to speak in front of people. I have come to terms with the fact that this is only natural and will never go away. It’s good to have that rush of adrenaline.

If I thought I was being treated for a fear of public speaking, I was mistaken. In the end, I landed up learning the skill of trusting myself and not allowing that horrible little voice in my head to convince me of things that don’t exist. You see, sometimes you need to stop running and face those fears.

I’m getting old. #fact

Posted on May 6, 2012 by Bo

I turned 37 years old in April. *OMW* This means I have officially moved closer to my forties. My age never used to bother me, but suddenly, it does. It’s as if I woke up one morning and realised that I was no longer in my 20’s or early 30’s.

So why now? Why am I feeling like this all of a sudden? What’s different? I sat down and wrote a couple of things down…

My parents are moving in to a Retirement Home.
I’ve had to book my regular hair appointment from every 6 weeks to 5 weeks as my greys are showing through quicker.
In December, I will be going to my 20 year High School Reunion.
If I go watch a movie on a Friday evening, I fall asleep. In fact, Friday evenings I’m in bed before 9pm.
I recently chose to go home and snuggle in front of TV with hubby instead of heading off to a night club with my friends.
The beautiful model Tanya Fourie, who I adored as a teenager and who is featured in the May edition of Fair Lady, has wrinkles.
My age category when I enter running races is listed as Sub-veteren. *ouch*

I guess I can’t stop the clock… I’m getting older, I just need to start accepting it. But it has made me stop and ask myself, am I growing old the way I want to? Are there things I still want to do?

But while I do this, can everyone and everything around me please slow down a bit?

The topic runners DON’T talk about

Posted on April 25, 2012 by Bo

If there’s one thing runners like to do, it’s talk about running. Our PB’s, our running kits, our races, even our niggles and pains. But there’s one topic we never talk about: Portaloos! The ironic thing is that I’m sure we all have our horror stories to tell…

Here are my top 3 portaloo experiences I’m trying to forget:

1. Two Oceans 2011. We had parked the car and I spotted a lonely portaloo standing near to where we had parked. Bonus! I would not need to queue! There wasn’t much light as it was still chilly and dark and I ran in first. The smell hit me. It was putrid! I could hardly breathe. But in my haste, I was already seated and had to get the ‘job’ done. It was only after we had finished the race and made our way back to the car that I saw that the portaloo that I had used was in fact not one for the race but one used by builders on site. In the daylight, I realised just how filthy it was. It looked as if it had stood there for weeks. *no words*

2. Om-Die-Dam 2011. At the 18km mark of the half marathon, I desperately needed the loo so I hopped in to one of the portaloos at the water point. After finishing up, I could not open the door. It was wedged closed and the lock would not open. I pushed and pulled, starting to get quite frantic. I was eventually able to pull it open, but it cut my finger which started to bleed. Without thinking, I put my finger in my mouth to soothe and suck it only to realise a split second later that my hand was most probably full of disgusting germs and I was doomed to get sick. I remember busting out crying.

3. Remax 2012. Sitting on the loo, I thought I’d send a quick early morning tweet to wish my fellow runners good luck with their races (this is not the time to judge me!). I had forgotten to lock the door and a runner pulled the door open, saw me, but then walked off, not closing the door. Here I sat, fully exposed, on the loo, pants down, with my phone in my hand in full view of the queue of runners. I had to then gracefully, stand up, and lean forward to grab the door to close it. I wanted to die. I think a part of me did…

It’s funny that after chatting to marathon runner @tanyakovarsky, I realised that I’m not alone in hating portaloos. In fact, after running x9 Comrades races and recently becoming a Two Oceans 56km blue number, she still hates them and has even shared some of her tips of avoiding the dreaded portaloos with me which I plan to use on my future runs.

Tip number one: Don’t use the portaloo unless it’s a matter of life or death!