Let lockdown anxiety run its course

Posted on August 2, 2020 by Bo

Lockdown anxiety finally broke me. It stole the last flicker of hope I was clinging on to and I’m not the only one who has just about had enough.

But I’m a denialist. I deny that COVID is out of control. I deny that my country is burning. I deny that things globally are in a real fucking mess. But they are.

I’m tired of hearing about the government. Of corruption. Of failure. I’m tired of not having answers. I’m tired of not knowing what to do or say. I’m sick of the negativity.

So my only escapism is to head to track twice a week and run laps around a dry grassy field. Alone with my thoughts and possibly the only hour I have without checking into social media.

And then this happened…

Chatting to my running coach on Saturday put things into perspective. We always start each new month discussing (negotiating) running goals. But this time was different.

Without asking, she said this:

“Bron, there is no need to push. There are no races to train for. All I want is for you to enjoy your running. Take it easy.

This isn’t about PBs. It’s not about the distance. It’s about getting out there and being consistent. Let’s get to September and then relook things.

But for now, all I want you to do is hang in there and do what you can. Don’t put anymore pressure on yourself.”

And that’s all I needed to hear…

Just hang in there. Ride this wave. Let it happen. Let it wash over me and move on.

There’s no need to put pressure on myself. We’re all struggling. There are no prizes. Even though just getting through the day deserves a medal.

And to control what I can. I can manage 3km runs and track twice a week, and that’s all that’s expected of me.

I can’t control what’s going on in my country, and no one is expecting me to. I can’t control how people react. I can’t change how others deal this pandemic. But I can run.

We’re a month away from Spring. Let’s ride this wave …

My blog has been silent and yet I have so much to share!

Posted on September 21, 2017 by Bo

My blog has been pretty quiet lately. It’s not that I have nothing to share. Quite the opposite in fact! I’ve been busy. Very busy!

Here’s what’s been happening:

We bought a small business. What an eye opener this has been! It’s taken us ages to sort things out. From bank accounts, merchant accounts, web development, ordering stock, waiting for the stock to arrive. It’s been such a learning experience, full of ups and downs. We wanted to wait until we were ready to start telling everyone and sharing our news, but that seems to be taking forever! So here it is: We’re officially the distributors for CW-X in Southern Africa! *Squeal*
Running your own social media content plan for your own business takes time! Most weekends and weekday evenings, I’m sitting down writing posts and creating content. The Instagram account is live (go check it out!) but we’re reluctant to get going on Facebook until our website is ready & people can purchase stock. Want to help me? If you do wear CW-X and have any photos showing the running kit, please can you share those with me. I’d much rather show real athletes (that’s you!) than posed models in the kit.
This is us both in our CW-X clothes at Parkrun. We might need to work on our posing. LOL
Like almost 90% of Jo’burgers, I got bronchitis and was out of action. It took forever to heal, two visits to the Doc, daily nebulizing, lots of sleep (read: Allergex). Then out of the blue, I get shingles. On my face! WTH? 3 weeks of misery has taught me two lessons. One: listen to my body. Read bullet point number one. It’s been a stressful time! Lesson number two: when you can’t run, your body had no way of de-stressing. You get even more niggly. I acknowledge the huge role running does play in my life & will ~~try~~ not complain about my running again.
I have been on a mission to help an after care centre in Kliptown called Izanokhanyo Community Based Project get SnapScan so that donations can be easier as well as kickstart their social media so that we can start telling their story. Let me tell you, it’s made me incredibly happy inside to help. It’s early days but here’s holding thumbs I can help make a difference! I’d love your help! I’ll let you know how soon!
Helen, who runs Izanokhanyo without a salary, handing out sweet to the kids.
I’ve been successful in my application to be part of a pilot project kicking off at work. All new. Unknown. Virgin territory. Exciting as hell but I’m also nervous. But after climbing in & assisting with some of the project management for the last couple of weeks, I’ve proven to myself that I am capable of learning & trying something new. Doing this nowadays at work needs to be the norm.
My Dad’s partner Rina passed away too. It’s funny how you think you have time and you discuss illness and old age and plans on what to do if this happens and if that happens. But when things do happen, no one is quite prepared. Everyone grieves differently. Each person says goodbye in their own way. I’m glad we’re spending more time with my Dad. I wish my parents stayed closer.

Everything I’ve mentioned above happens for a reason and at the right time. The delays in getting our business up and running gave me more time to spend with my Dad. Getting sick slowed me down and forced me to rest and take stock of what mattered. What mattered was helping Izanokhanyo in my spare time and not using that time for reading work emails. And yet I was rewarded by getting the job at work.

I’m going to make more time to blog too. This one was long. If you made it to here, the key take out is that I’m fine, I’m excited and yes… I’m still running! We’ve got Run-The-Berg (or in my case with limited training Walk-The-Berg) coming up, Kaapsehoop and Otter.

Can’t wait for that purple carpet to line the streets!

By the way, the jacarandas are starting to bloom. It’s the most beautiful time to be outdoors! Go for that run!

Lost

Posted on November 5, 2015 by Bo

I got lost. I was running with a bunch of other runners, I had a map in my hand. But I got lost. What started as a relaxed, peaceful run turned ugly but it has made me reflect on my attitude these past few weeks.

When my running friend informed me that she would not be able to run, I still decided to head out with the rest of the running group, knowing full well that they were all way faster than me and would most probably run off after the first km. I still thought I was fine. Map in hand. Off I went.

It was when I got passed 7.5kms that I started to worry. Where was the turnaround point? Was the map right? Why was I stuck on such a busy main street? Where were the other runners? I couldn’t see any of them so I decided I’d better head back the same way I’d come. But somehow, I got it wrong. I took a wrong turn and landed up in the dodgiest of streets.

My gut told me things weren’t right. I suddenly felt scared, alone and incredibly vulnerable. All I wanted to do was cry. I started to blame others; the faster runners for not waiting, KK for not being with me; my gammy knee which had started to ache; pretty much everyone got a swearing. But most of all I blamed myself. I hated that I found myself in that helpless situation. I hated the fact that I ran so slowly and couldn’t keep up with anyone else. I hated running and I had no idea where I was going.

It’s been two weeks since the incident and I’ve spent lots of time reflecting on that day. A lot of what I went through feels so familiar to how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m lost. I don’t know if it’s just the end of the year fatigue setting in, but I’m not myself.

It feels as if I’m still out there on those streets with my body filled with anguish and confusion. It feels as if nothing is familiar. The more I run, the less I see. The faster I go, the further everything feels. I’m not myself and my map is not helping me. I’m blaming everyone else for my lose of direction. I’m irritated with everyone, including myself.

I’ve lost sight of the goal. I’m lost. I need to find my passion again and I’m glad I’ve stopped to realise it now before it’s too late. Instead of blaming and allowing the situation to overwhelm me, I need to take back control.

I took this beautiful pic on my long run on Sunday, a week after I got lost. I stopped to appreciate things along the way.

This past Sunday I went out for a long run. Compared to the previous week, my head was right. I was prepared. I loved my run. Every single minute of it.

I’ve hit the wall

Posted on August 2, 2015 by Bo

As a runner, I’ve only hit the wall once. It was during my very first half marathon road race.

Clearly unprepared, I was approximately 5kms from the finish line when it hit. My legs stopped and would go no further. As much as I tried to push myself to move on, I couldn’t. It felt like my brain would not connect with my body. I was screaming inside to take just one step, but my legs were paralyzed. They felt like concrete and soon my head was full of negative thoughts of quitting.

“In endurance sports, particularly cycling and running, hitting the wall or bonking describes a condition caused by the depletion of glycogen stores in the liver and muscles, which manifests itself by precipitous fatigue and loss of energy. Such fatigue can become seriously debilitating. Symptoms of depletion include general weakness, fatigue, and manifestations of hypoglycaemia, such as dizziness and even hallucinations.” ~ Wikipedia

The past couple of weeks at work have felt pretty much the same. I’ve hit the wall. I know what needs to be done and can picture it in my head but no matter how I try to convince others to go on that journey with me, they won’t budge. There’s a disconnect. It feels like I’m talking but no one is listening. I’m going at 120 miles an hour and they’re stopped at the traffic light.

By the end of last week, I realized I had hit the wall. The frustration had set in and I did not know where to turn. I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. We’re often not all on the same path when it comes to work.

With running, the only way to recover is to re-fuel. Water, energy drinks, a banana, whatever it is you can get hold of. But you never stop. I had forgotten this. I know I need to refocus and set my eyes back on the goal – the finish line. Ironically, this is what two people told me to do. The words one of them used were, ‘Baby steps Bron, baby steps. Just keep at it’.

I’ve gone on to run so many half marathons since that first race and yet looking back now, Johnson Crane will always be one of my favorite races. Even though I hit the wall, I still went on to finish the race. Of course it was difficult. But was it worth it? Hell yes!