Yearly Archives: 2012

When you finally make a decision, everything else falls into place

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My parents have a rock in their garden with the following quote carved into it, “To conquer fear, you need to make a decision.”

I’m not sure why this quote popped in to my head on Saturday, but it did. You see, on Saturday I made the decision to pull out of running the Two Oceans half marathon in April.

It’s been a very difficult and tough decision to make. Trust me, I’m heart-broken! But I’ve had time to think long and hard and decide what’s best for me. 

Two Oceans blogger, Dr Ross Tucker pointed out, “Why is sometimes more powerful than how.” So I sat down and wrote out my goals and answered some tough questions I realised was long overdue. It turns out, this is what I know: I do not have a problem running 21.1kms. The distance does not put me off and I do not struggle with it either. It’s the pace where my biggest challenge lies. Due to the fact that I run so slowly, the extra stress of making a 3 hour cut-off hangs over my head causing me incredible stress making it a very unpleasant run.  

The stress comes down to the speed of my running. If I can correct this and run faster, I would not stress as much and enjoy the run more.

The training that I started with my coach in January aims to do just that – get me running faster.

Unfortunately, the training schedule I am following does not include Two Oceans or any other half marathons coming up. In fact, I have already pulled a quad muscle by running Johnson Crane too hard and trying to slip back into my training schedule a day later without resting.

In chatting to my coach, he reminded me that my goal for 2012 is speed, not Two Oceans and unfortunately this year, I can only choose one.

I’ve chosen speed.

My hope is that if I can work on running faster, and start making those cut-off times by a good half hour or so, I will in fact not stress as much and enjoy my runs. That is the end goal.

Two Oceans will be there next year. And the next…

Since having made the decision, I am at peace and have a clearer view of my running goals ahead of me. But I am sad. Very sad. Some of my running friends have tried their very best to convince me otherwise and to run the race “for fun.” But it’s not fun when I’m running my guts out and still see a man at the finish line holding a cut-off gun.

I guess the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that I was too afraid to make the decision. But the decision has to be what’s right for me, for my body, not anyone else. I kept worrying about what everyone would think. Would they all see it as quitting? 

To be honest, I’m tired (mentally and physically) of scraping through and just making it. I don’t want to run at 8mins/km anymore. I want to achieve a half marathon time of 2h40. Or 2h30. Even 2h20! I want to run faster!

That’s my goal!

Remembering Valentine’s Night Race 2008

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On Friday night I was trawling through my Twitter timeline and started to see tweets from people who had just finished the Randburg Harriers Valentine’s Night race.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with such emotion as I remembered the race that got me hooked onto running 4 years ago.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. The hot afternoon when we arrived at Randburg Harriers, sitting on the grass with friends watching the field fill up, walking to the start, the sun setting as the gun went off, the funny costumes people were wearing, the streets getting dark and then the final 300m when KK and other friends stood waiting for me as I neared the finish line. (I also recall the KFC burger on the way home!)

My time: 87 minutes!

Reflecting on the race has made me realise something…

I have spent the last couple of years obsessing about my running pace and the fact that I run so slowly. I have even gotten to the point where I have hated races and dreaded running just because my pace is so slow. I started a blog to document how slow I run!

Yet, on that night 4 years ago, nothing could take away that feeling of immense pride and self-accomplishment that I felt. I was on top of the world and felt incredible. Victorious. After completing that race, I felt as if I could conquer the world! But look at my time! Did I care? Not a chance!

So what happened?

How and where did I lose my passion and love? Where did this obsession come from?

I know the answer: Two Oceans 2010. Missing that 3 hour cut-off broke my spirit. I felt like a failure and since then I’ve been on a mission to ensure it never happens again.  In a way, it’s become the focus of my running and I’ve lost a bit of that passion that fuelled me that night. Yes, so I did go back and conquer Oceans, but the stress of it all still overshadows the victory.

These past couple of weeks, I’ve started to relook my priorities and decide what’s important. I’ve been doing some soul searching to understand exactly why I run, why I am so hard on myself and what I enjoy about running.  

Because right now, I’m not sure if what I’m focussing on is right. It sure as hell doesn’t feel as good as it did finishing Valentine’s Night race 4 years ago…

Running through a storm is not as glamourous as it sounds!

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I heard the thunder, I saw the dark clouds moving in, but I simply ignored it thinking it would blow over. It didn’t.

Two kilometres in to my run last week Thursday I got caught in the biggest storm to hit Jo’burg. At first, the drops didn’t appear to be that heavy so I decided to push on and not turn back.

Big mistake!

Within 5 mins, the rain was so heavy I could not see in front of me. I had to seek shelter along the side of the road under the trees (I know!) and next to some bushes. At first, I thought it would blow over but it just got louder and heavier, it felt like the lightning was going to hit me!

I stood dead still, holding myself in a tight ball and closed my eyes. I waited. I hoped it would stop.

Every now and then a car would drive passed. The problem is that with no pavements and very little water drainage in Douglasdale, I would get splashed. I refused to cry. I kept trying to convince myself that it was awesome. It wasn’t!

After 10 minutes, I made the call to run home. It did not look like the rain was going to stop and I feared it might hail. It was getting late. I was freezing! I was 2 kms away and thought that at the most, it would take me 20 mins. I could not run fast because the puddles of water were so deep. My running shoes were drenched!

I arrived home, ran straight upstairs and jumped in to the shower. My mascara had run all down my face. I had left puddles of water from the front door all the way through the house.

I’ve heard people raving about how wonderful it is to run in the rain. How refreshing it is.

Geepers! I rain in a storm. Never again!  

Sometimes, the signs are there and we refuse to listen. We ignore them. And then have to face the consequences.

The lesson: if it looks like a big rain storm approaching, it most probably is. Go run at the gym!

Choose your attitude

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Last week, someone on Twitter posed the question: do you prefer running in the mornings or the afternoons and why?

Without hesitation, I replied saying, “Definitely afternoon. It gives me time to clear my head after a stressful day”.  I then sat back and thought about it… the question I asked myself was, “Why the stress? What’s going on?”

On the work front, things have never been better. Never before have I had such clear direction as to what my role is and what is required from me. (Thanks Sue).

The stress is coming from those around me, my colleagues and the politics at work.

The facts: I work for a large corporate. Red tape, bureaucracy, processes, and especially politics is always going to form part of the culture of my working environment.  People are busy. They have jobs to do, deliverables that have to be met, outputs with tight deadlines.

What gets to me most is that regardless of the facts, majority of people have become almost institutionalised. They’ve forgotten to greet one another; they’ve forgotten to smile, to laugh, to have fun and even to respect one another. The smallest of issues gets blown out of proportion and they don’t look for solutions, but blame.

Most days I see colleagues walking out the door to go home with heavy shoulders, tired faces and lifeless.What those negative, frustrated, moaning people at work don’t realise is that their attitudes can make or break someone else’s day. That their constant complaining, back-stabbing and negative comments do little but create an environment where it’s a challenge not to get sucked into all the politics but to rise above it and remain positive.

A colleague asked me the other day, “Bron, how do you do it. How do you manage to smile and be so positive with all this going on around you?”

My answer: Well, you just have to. Some things won’t change. Corporate world is the same no matter where you go. But it’s the way you deal with situations and those involved which makes the difference.

… and at least I am able to run off that stress when I get home.