About Bo

Dog lover. Runner. Although very slowly. Keeping up with the stresses of running and life...

Dear Blog…

Posted on December 17, 2014 by Bo

I’ve been distant and I know it. I’ve been far too quiet and haven’t posted quite as many blog posts as I used to. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m unsure what’s wrong with me and I keep thinking of all the excuses as to why I’ve been neglecting you.

– Too busy with work. Yes, it’s been a busy year with so many exciting challenges that have taken up all my time and energy. I’ve worked on projects that I never dreamed I’d be part of before. Projects that have pushed me each and every day and challenged me like nothing before. In fact, work has been fabulous and come to think of it, here ~~would’ve~~ will be the perfect place to talk about it.

– Vulnerable is how I felt. I came across two strangers on Twitter discussing my blog a while back. The fools didn’t realise that I could see their conversation. They called my blog self-centered, self-loathing and a real sad pity party. One of them even said she couldn’t believe I even had so many people reading my blog because it was sh*t. For days their comments gnawed away at me as though they were speaking on behalf of the universe. Bouncing back has been hard.

– Two good friends have left a hole in my heart. One moved on and one passed away. Their opinions mattered and without them, I feel as if some of my mojo is missing too. Accepting that people come and go in life has been tough.

– Time. Oh my gosh, where does the time go each day? I used to be able to write up to three blog posts a week, filled with the most awesome pictures. Nowadays, I struggle to post even one. I have hundreds of ideas and thoughts written down in a book and even more in my head but finding time to sit down and write hasn’t been easy.

Something I’ve learned this year with my running is that it takes consistency and discipline each and every day. I need to make time to run and I guess the same is true of my writing.

Next year will be different. I can already tell that I will have so much more to share. Crazy work stories, an update on my running training progress and exciting holidays planned for 2015. I promise to be more dedicated and committed to making this work. I promise. If there’s one constant in my life, it’s this blog. It’s you.

Love Bron

Holding on to (false) hope

Posted on December 11, 2014 by Bo

I love this time of year! It’s mid-December and everywhere I look, I’m surrounded by wonderful Christmas decorations, the traffic is a breeze because the schools have broken up and my brain is fuzzy as I try desperately to focus on those last few meetings at work before closing the door on yet another (hectic) year.

But this year is different. A scan of any Twitter feed or Facebook timeline will reveal a lot about the state of the country with rolling blackouts and scheduled load shedding. It’s as if we’re stuck so deep in this situation that we’re unable to see beyond it. It feels like a national depression and as the negativity dominates the conversations, it’s very difficult to remain positive. In fact, it’s draining.

I’d like to think that everything about me is positive. My attitude, the way I view the world, my reactions to situations. But I must admit, even I am tired of being positive. I don’t know how much longer I can remain positive when reality sets in. I’m sitting on that fence between denial and anger.

As we passed the four hour load shedding mark on Sunday, I sat confidently on the couch, saying to KK that the electricity would go on at any second. I trusted the Eskom schedule. But as the doubt crept in, I knew I would be receiving the dreaded, “I told you so” remark which would crush my spirit. But I did not allow him to see any sign of my despair and smiled back. When the microwave beeped as the electricity was restored, I almost burst out crying. I’m tired. I’m done.

Yes, it’s that time of the year that I love so much, but in a way, my heart is not in it. My head is far, far away… holding on to hope.

(ps: Out of interest, have you changed any of your habits to try help the situation? Switching off non-essential appliances? Planned for load shedding?)

(Image credit: Google images)

The green vase is empty

Posted on December 1, 2014 by Bo

For my birthday last year, you gave me the most exquisite green vase. It’s not something I would’ve bought myself but I fell in love with it immediately. What’s particularly special about it is the beautiful bird perched on the top of the lid. It sits on the table in my front entrance hall and is a daily reminder of how precious friendship and life is.

Every so often, I open the vase and look inside. I don’t know what I’m expecting to find in there. It’s empty. You’re gone. It’s been 8 months already.

Unlike the empty vase, I’ve been filling up inside with news. I have so many stories to share and issues that need discussing and problems which need your advice… but you’re not there. You’re still gone.

Some days I feel like I’m bursting and only you will understand. Some days I worry that there’s going to be too much news and I won’t know what to do with it all. I need to tell you and I can’t move on unless you know what’s happening and can tell me that it’ll all be okay. But there’s a silence…an emptiness.

I opened the vase up tonight, and looked inside. It’s still empty. I miss you so much. I love my vase.

Happy Birthday Conrad.

Conversations about stone

Posted on November 20, 2014 by Bo

Chatting to my running Coach one evening after training, I asked him just how long it would take for me to run faster. He gave me the cheesiest of answers. “Bron, it’s like the artist who works on a marble sculpture. It takes time. Every time you get out there and run, we’re chipping away at that statue.” Pffft, I thought.

But after just 3 months of hard training, I’m starting to see the sculpture forming…

When I started, I was the stone with lots of unwanted rock and baggage. Over the weeks, the Coach has been busy with the “roughing out” stage of the sculpting process by supplying me with a training schedule which toggles between easy runs and quality training.

Using a chisel, texture is being added every time I step out on to the track and road to run. It may not seem like a lot when you’re counting mere seconds, but my running log book has shown me just how far this art work has come.

The warm up lap before we train used to take me a good 25 minutes to complete, it now takes me on average 17 minutes. I used to run 400m in 2:54, then 2:50, 2:42; 2:31 and now I’m clocking 2:26. I even ran (and did not walk) 15,2kms on a cool Monday evening recently as a support to a fellow runner training for Tough One. I can even almost touch my toes!

If I have to honestly look back to where I was when I started and to where I am today, it a huge difference.

My Coach, the sculptor, has changed me, the stone, from a rough block into the general shape of an un-finished statue. Various tools are now being used to enhance this shape into its final form. The chipping away takes time but it has to be right. You can’t rush these things but the wait is so worth it!

We often don’t take time to reflect on the work we’ve put in because we’re so focussed on the goal ahead. But to really appreciate our efforts, it helps to pause every so often, catch our breaths and take stock.

The final stage of the carving process is polishing. I’ve got a long way to go ’till I get to this stage, but I’m not rushing things. Remember Bron, you’re like a marble sculpture.