Forced to sit this one out

Posted on January 5, 2014 by Bo

New Year’s resolutions look differently when you’ve had the rough December I’ve had…

On the 17^th December, I lay in a hospital bed with a drip in my hand in the Sandton Medical emergency room feeling absolutely miserable. Just a week away from celebrating Christmas, I realised that the last three months have been the worst I have ever felt battling a disease I have tried desperately to hide from majority of those around me. Managing the actual disease has been fine but the extra-intestinal manifestations of Ulcerative Colitis have really taken its toll.

Excruciating arthritis attacks on the joints of my hands and shoulders; painful eye infections due to the arthritis which caused my whole cheek to seize up; a revolting rash (and another late night hospital visit) which turned out to be Urticaria; constant mouth ulcers and now something new… Crippling pain in the right hand side of my abdomen shooting up into my shoulder.

I’ve spent quite a lot of time reflecting on my health during December. Being an utter control freak it’s difficult accepting that there is absolutely nothing I can do to control an auto-immune disease which at the moment seems to be attacking me on all fronts. Ironically, the worst part is that I’ve not been able to run.

I had planned to do so much running while I was on leave during this time, especially training for the Dischem half marathon which would kick-off my 2014 running year. But with the pain and no energy, all I managed was a 5km run at the gym.

My blog has always been focused on my running speed. My slow pace and my insecurities about my running. But sitting on that hospital bed, all I wished for was that I was healthy and able to put on my running shoes and head out for a run. I thought, who the hell cares how slow I run. I don’t even give a damn if those walkers come past me. I just want to be healthy and fit enough to run.

Running means I’m strong. Running means I am healthy. Running means I am able to conquer my fears. Running means I am in control of my body. I’m sure I’ll be fit soon but for now, my New Year’s ~~resolution~~ wish is for a healthy body.

Running alone

Posted on October 6, 2013 by Bo

When I usually run on my own I feel quite safe because I stick to the busy roads and pass quite a few complexes with security guards who I wave at. I always try and keep visible and before I leave home, KK knows exactly what route I’m running and what time he can expect me home.

But for some or other reason, when I woke up to go for my run this morning I was a bit apprehensive. I think it’s because I had chosen to try out a new route. I headed out the door but kept looking around (just in case) and felt like a bag of nerves at one point.

Suddenly everybody looked suspicious. It was only after I stopped what I was thinking and took hold of the fear that I saw something different.

… A taxi stopping just in front of me – offloading people smartly dressed for church.

… the dodgy cars parked outside on the pavement so early in the morning – bird watchers excitedly entering the Cumberland Bird Sanctuary.

.. My heart stopped! The man who was hiding behind the tree with a box – collecting leaves off a mulberry tree presumably for his kids’ silk worms.

Today was such a beautiful morning and loads of other runners (including women on their own), cyclist and dog walkers decided to step out and enjoy the fresh morning air.

I’m well aware that I live in one of the most dangerous cities in the world. I am also aware that each and every time I walk out the door, be it for a run or on my way to work or to go shopping, that anything could happen. I can only try and do as much as I can and be safe but I’m not about to let my fear take hold of me.

Getting home and taking my running shoes off and dipping my feet in the pool felt amazing! I could feel my feet thanking me.

(Image: Google)

Knock off and run

Posted on September 24, 2013 by Bo

Geepers! I’m finding it such a struggle lately to get to gym or go for a run! When I drive home from work, I often see cyclists crossing the road on their cycling path across Delta Park down Barry Hertzog Road. I get so jealous and ask myself, “What time did they leave work to get dressed in cycling kit and get out on the road?” I think that’s the trick though. Finding time.

The reality is that there will always be busy days. It’s the norm for most people, right? Our days have become so busy. There will always be late afternoon meetings. There will always be so much work to do that I couldn’t possibly finish it all in one day. (It’s a blessing). But this is just how it is and it’s not going to change. So what can I do about it?

I’m definitely in a better state of mind if I manage to get to gym or get out on the road to run. It’s important that I make time. I admit that the only person stopping me is … me. I need to put my foot down and leave the office when I need to in order to find that balance. It’s in my hands. Just like those cyclist, I have to manage my time better.

A week ago, I returned to Randburg Harriers time trial after ‘my Winter hibernation’. I had not been for months and oddly enough had butterflies in my stomach when I arrived. I ran on my own, through the tree-lined streets, taking deep breaths and smelling the fresh Spring air. It was awesome! A new PB TT time too. I couldn’t stop talking about it for days how wonderful it was to be back at TT.

But to be honest, I think it was my body feeling so amazing because it was thanking me. My whole body inside and out was smiling!

(Images: Strava & Google)

Focusing on the negative. (Expert level)

Posted on August 25, 2013 by Bo

The first kilometer of the running route from my house starts on a ~~very~~ semi-steep uphill. Because of this, I usually use the first kilometer to ‘warm up’ and walk. But my running has been getting stronger and one afternoon, I found myself managing to run the entire kilometer without stopping. I was thrilled! When I reached the top at the swimming school, my heart felt like it would jump out of my chest, more from happiness than exertion. I could not stop smiling. My inner voice was saying, “Well done Bron!” Best . Feeling. Ever!

Two minutes later, another runner caught up to me and we started making conversation. We exchanged pleasant neighborhood chatter and discussed some of our road races. A few minutes had passed and I was enjoying running with her when out of the blue, she said, “Well, nice to have met you. Enjoy the rest of your run, I need to get going and run a little faster. I need to get home before the sun sets.” And off she ran…

That’s when all the negative thoughts flooded my head:

Before the sun sets? What the…? Yes, because I’m so slow, right? No one wants to run with you Bron. No one! You’re too slow!

When she was out of sight, I slowed down (even more) and was still grumbling to myself when I suddenly thought back to how my run had started. I had managed to run up to the swimming school without walking. That was a great moment and it was brilliant! So then how the hell did I manage to allow my run to dip into such a negative mood. Why did it become all about my speed? How did I go so quickly from celebrating reaching a goal to focus on one of my biggest running insecurities?

Lesson learnt: It’s an area I need to work on. Breaking myself down happens so quickly and so easily. It’s destructive. I need to focus on my achievements and stop obsessing on the negative. I’m proud of myself. I ran the first kilometer from home all the way up the hill, to the swimming school, for the first time, without walking. Yeah! That’s what I want to take out of that run. Because that’s what counts!

(Image from Google)