I’ve been nervous to blog about it. Hesitant that perhaps things will change and I’ll look stupid. I’ve been worried that it’s a phase so I kinda down play it a lot. I keep thinking it’s a dream… 

I’ve always been a ‘healthy’ eater. But the frustration of eating salads, fruit & veggies, cutting out carbs and training / running 5 times a week did nothing to budge my weight. Frustrated, bloated and irritated, on the 5^th March, I decided to stop listening to everyone and give the Dukan Diet (which I had scoffed at before) a bash.

Dukanning was interesting. It gave me a framework and some guidelines on how to restrict certain foods. But it was only after reading Gary Taubes’ book called, “Why we get fat” , that I started to analyse what I was putting in my mouth.

So I stopped the Dukan Diet and started experimenting with foods. I realized that almost everything I was eating was loaded with sugar, especially the loads of fruit that I was eating daily. Suddenly, just by changing what I ate, the weight started to drop off. Rapidly!

I have never had so much energy before, especially when it comes to my running! (Love him or hate him, but Dr Tim Noakes is right!) I also have no bloating. I’ll repeat that. I am not bloated anymore! I have suffered with Ulcerative Colitis since 1998 and this is the first time I have felt healthy. I don’t stress when I eat out and I’m enjoying my food.

I feel as if I finally have control over my weight. I understand what food does to my body and I know how to make good food choices. So yes, I’m finally admitting it.

I’ve lost weight.

A lot of weight in such a short time. I’m wondering if 9kgs lighter will help me run faster? It’s worth a shot, right? I’m still too nervous to post before and after pics. Maybe one day!

I’m officially on leave! I’ve taken advantage of the Easter break and taken some time off work. Boy do I need it!

You’d think that after 17 years of working in a corporate environment, I would have become accustomed to the hardness of the culture, the relentless drive by colleagues to succeed and the constant pressure to deliver. So why am I feeling so tired, over emotional and sensitive? It feels as if the smallest thing will tip me over the edge.

When I think about it, I must admit that it’s become too easy for me to go into work each day, put up with all the mess and stress and come home untouched. I make excuses for other people when they make decisions that I don’t agree with – it’s business after all. I allow them to talk so casually about people who cannot defend themselves – it’s dog eats dog folks. I choose to ignore the politics because I suspect it ‘helps’ people cope with their stress. I keep up a smiling, happy, positive face…all day long. It’s exhausting.

But being engulfed in such a negative, stressful environment every day, suppressing your feelings and going along with the flow does have its consequences. It silently chips away at you inside.

So this break could not have come at a better time. I need to stop, catch my breath and relax.

I plan to sit on the beach, squashing my feet in the sand and close my eyes to feel the sun on my face.

I will allow the smell and sound of the sea to wash over me and cleanse me.

I need to escape.

I’m very happy to be saying goodbye to 2012. If I look back, it wasn’t a pleasant year for me. Yes, there were happy moments scattered through the months here and there, but generally, it was a year I’d much rather leave behind. I’m moving on from…

• A heart breaking decision to drop out of running my 4th Two Oceans half marathon. I might have been physically ready, but the mental war that rages in my head and self-doubt overwhelmed me and I caved.
• My health plagued me more than ever. Three major enteropathic arthritis flare-ups this year meant days off work because I was left immobilized and unable to even dress myself.
• It was a year I learnt the hard lesson that someone’s personal baggage and hurt can spill over into work and damage my reputation. You become known by the company you keep.
• It was a year where I struggled to lose weight. Eating salads and avoiding the Friday take-out gang at work was not enough. The scale would not drop affecting my moods most days and leaving me feeling pretty miserable.
• It was a year I started stressing about getting old. A 20 year school reunion, monthly visits to the hairdresser to cover my greys and my folks moving into a retirement village sounded like alarm bells going off.
• It was a year where being Proudly South African was incredibly tough to be. To stand tall among family and friends who have legitimate reasons to hate this country brought me down too many times and I kept quiet instead of defending what I loved and all that is good about this place.
• Getting caught up and swept away in the politics swirling around me in the office was a challenge. I knew the issues were not about me or even my colleagues, but the leadership made it very hard to ignore.

I’m unsure how I feel about next year. I suspect another difficult year is ahead so I’d much rather adopt the “wait and see” approach than be all über positive now. I’m crossing my fingers that it’s an exciting year. I expect many challenges and will seek out as many opportunities as I can.

New beginnings

While writing this post, I did come across a tweet from @LeeAnnMayimele. She tweeted, “Today I am grateful for every challenge 2012 threw at me.” I like her attitude and I guess in a way, I agree with her.