Falling ManBeing a huge fan of documentaries, I recently watched “The Falling Man”. It’s the story of the search for the identify of a man who jumped from the burning World Trade Centre Towers during 9/11. (Confession: I’m a little obsessed with doccies on 9/11).

What struck me is the connection I felt with no one knowing who this man was. The guesses and the media interference amid all the confusion was quite familiar to me.

A problem that I have struggled with for too long now is the fact that my role has not been clearly defined or even understood by my team at work. I get asked the oddest questions. I get pulled in to meetings which have nothing to do with me. But worst of all is that I get left out of projects where I could add the most value.

Gate crashing of meetings, emails and ‘profiling’ of myself has made very little impact. So whilst watching the documentary and seeing this man falling, I acknowledged that I have been feeling the same way for far too long now. I’ve been falling. Faster and faster. I’ve been walking around the office appearing calm and peaceful yet inside, filled with anxiety and frustration.

It’s inevitable. Unless you are adding real value where you work and unless you are fulfilled with having found your purpose, you will always be falling to a most certain death.

I’m so relieved that a couple of months ago I admitted to myself that I needed to do something about it and took action. It has taken a while to get off the ground, but I am moving my career in a different direction – something I’m super excited about! <watch this blog!>

By the way. They found the man’s identity in the end. It was a sign to me that I’m making a good move forward.

Lessons from 9/11 about married life

11 years ago today, I was four days away from getting married when the world was changed forever by the fateful events of 9/11. It was a Tuesday. I was 26 years old and about to marry the man of my dreams. I had no idea what awaited me. It’s only now, 11 years later, that I look back at that week with fresh eyes.

Perhaps I’m a little older and wiser, but I realise that there are some valuable lessons for my marriage I have learnt from 9/11.

  • Expect the unexpected. Just like those two planes, sometimes, with no warning at all, problems, issues, even events will hit your marriage with all its might and come out of nowhere. It is usually unexpected. You cannot know what and when something will come which will test your marriage. But it happens.
  • Ensure your marriage is strong enough to withstand the hits. If not, one or even both of you will come crashing down.
  • Through the years, there will be pain, hurt, anger and blame. But it’s important to deal with those feelings and move on. Every relationship goes through the dips. Always re-build something new.
  • Prepare relentlessly. It was New York’s mayor at the time, Rudi Giuliani, who said, “when faced with new and stressful situations, prepare relentlessly”. Giuliani adds, “Don’t assume a damn thing.”  Do not slip into a comfort zone but keep on your toes and keep the relationship alive. Be prepared.
  • Change. Adapt. Or die. The world was forced to change after 9/11. I am a very different woman compared to the girl I was when I got married so many years ago. KK has also changed, but we’ve managed to grow together. Anticipate that each other will change. It’s only normal. It’s a good thing, embrace it.

Time has flown. I cannot believe how quickly 11 years has gone by and how much has happened in that time. We built a house, we bought new cars, we changed jobs, we got two dogs, and we travelled to some wonderful destinations.

I even started running!!

But we also lost Pa as well as Marla. I got diagnosed with a disease and we lost quite a few friends along the way. But through the highs and the lows, I’ve walked every step of the way with you KK. I still love you with all my heart.

Happy Anniversary week my babes. X