Breaking down to heal

I can’t remember why I stopped blogging…

It wasn’t because of the “busyness” of life. If you scroll through my social media feeds, you’ll see that I had lots of time for content creation.

But sharing on Instagram doesn’t have the same sense of intimacy as a blog post. My blog is mine. I don’t share the space with others and I’m not competing with algorithm updates. My stories belong to me.

My last blog entry was 4 years ago, just as the world was changing post COVID. I think in a way, we’re all still dealing with some parts of decisions that we made during that time.

I’m still running.

But if I thought I’d learnt all the lessons that running could ever teach me, I was mistaken.

I had both knees operated on during 2022 and couldn’t walk, nevermind run. It exposed just how big a role running played in my life.

Always time for content creation!

When I couldn’t run, I saw less of KK. Even though we don’t run together, it dominates our lives.

When I couldn’t run, there were no more weekly track sessions or running friends to bond with. I felt lonely.

When I didn’t run, my mental health suffered. I felt weak. And unfit. And old.

And then I broke my foot and my 8th Two Oceans half marathon was put on hold.

Falling off the box at gym!

That’s when not being able to run taught me my biggest lesson of all.

I started my blog in 2010 when I missed the 3 hour cutoff at my 2nd Two Oceans half marathon. In those days, my running speed was all that mattered. My runs focused on finishing my 21km races in under 3 hours!

I became obsessed with my pace and any race run at slower than 8mins per km felt like a failure to me.

The more I ran, the more I hated it. I changed coaches twice, thinking that the training would make a difference. I was disappointed in myself and didn’t even notice the kilometers clocking up.

But I had to break both knees and a foot to realise how much it hurt when my “slow” running was taken away from me.

What gap is left in your life when something or someone is removed?

Spending time at home made me yearn for the track sessions, the friendships, the feeling of achievement when I crossed that finish line.

I wasn’t missing the competitiveness or PBs at all. That wasn’t important. I was missing me.

Bron, the slow runner. Bron, the plain and simple average runner. Oh how I missed how running made me feel.

Strong. Fit. Capable.

To feel exhausted and pleasure at the same time.

Running bonds are strong!

To experience good and bad days and to keep going.

When you focus on the wrong things, it’s easy to get distracted. It feels like that with my blog.

I had forgotten why I had started blogging in the first place.

I started blogging to share the lessons that running teaches me about life.

I watch newbie runners and see their obsession with PBs and pace. I smile.

I watch experienced runners get disappointed with their performances. It happens.

Everyone is in a different season when it comes to running. Some are in seasons of abundance.

Others are stuck disappointed and disillusioned.

It’s taken a few years to dust off my blog and that’s okay. There’s no set time when you’re expected to work through your own personal seasons.

My 9th Two Oceans done & dusted

But hopefully when you get through them you gain clarity and can move on.

I know I’m ready to.

Journaling and running, for no one else but myself.

Yours in running, walking and loving all the rewards it brings me.

Bron xxx

Two coaches. Same direction.

I’m working with two coaches at the moment. One is a running coach to get me running fit & ready for Two Oceans. The other is a business coach to help me launch my social media product offering online.

They are worlds apart but the weekly homework they dish out is so similar. They both drive home the messages of understanding my passion, clarity & direction, proper goal setting, mindset, consistency, and discipline.

As the weeks have rolled by, I’ve learned some key lessons:

  • I know that unless I do the quality track sessions, my running pace won’t improve.
  • I realize that unless I’m crystal clear on my ideal audience, I won’t be able to target the right people to sell my offering.
  • I understand that most of my running victories are won in my head.
  • I’ve discovered that an entrepreneurial mindset is very different from that of corporate, something I’m trying to crack.
  • Mindset has been the biggest challenge. The nagging from Coach Michelle every time I skip track, and the persistence of the weekly call from Stepper (yup, that’s her name) have taught me to really focus on what matters.

Getting ready for my weekly Zoom call with Stepper.

It all comes down to accountability. Yeah sure, I could have Googled some running programmes and downloaded small business manuals. But that’s just it. I didn’t. And there are things they’ve taught me about myself that were hidden in my blindspot.

There are 6 weeks left before Two Oceans and smack in between the training sessions, I will be launching my brand new social media product offering to clients.

Both are goals that bring me immense joy and purpose in my life. But both also scare me shitless. Luckily, according to my two coaches, this means I’m on track.

The skies are simply beautiful at track lately

Thoughts on my run: how I survived #Januworry

#Januworry is over and it’s a new month. Phew.

I knew when I left Standard Bank last year in November that we were entering into a really difficult phase for most businesses. Starting my own small business was risky. Diving into the rush of December, followed by the deathly quiet and stretched out January, my chances of finding work and clients were said to be slim.

I didn’t have any expectations, but it didn’t stop me from hustling as hard as I could. With my business card in hand, I visited the retailers in my ‘hood. I networked via social media and sipped over 100 cups of chai latte, meeting prospective clients and others like me who have also made the jump into entrepreneurship.

Emma watching me at work in my office.

It’s comforting to talk about my journey and reinforce my vision with as many people as I can. I have found other entrepreneurs incredibly inspiring and encouraging. Compared to the corporate culture I left behind, other small business owners go out of their way to help me be successful.

If I could sprinkle just a handful of this dust into the team I left behind, what an amazing difference that would make.

But I’ve moved on and survived.

Every day has been wonderful. Every day has felt new. Every day has come with its own challenges. But it’s been difficult. Difficult like you have no idea! It’s been exhausting. I’ve been thrown miles out of my comfort zone. The fear has been crippling. But strange enough, there was hidden confidence inside me I didn’t think existed.

I survived. And hey, look, it’s February.

I have two clients on my book who have trusted me to manage their social media accounts. I have consulted on a huge project and I have sat in as an advisory on interviews for a social media role in the mining industry – ironically where I started out 20 years ago. I have an inbox full of proposals awaiting replies. What a ride it’s been. My head wants to explode because my heart already has.

Throw out, make a list and run less. 2018, here we come.

I don’t usually set New Year’s resolutions. I admit to starting off January knowing I’d take the rest of the year to lose all the extra weight put on from all the festivities during the holiday. KK and I typically map out the road races we’d like to run in the year and also book our holidays around these dates.

But in terms of actual goal setting, all I have in my head is a list of really bad experiences that I don’t want to repeat going into the new year.

I did make a few minor behavioral changes which I’m hoping make a difference.

Here’s five things I’ve changed going into 2018:

  1. Ditching the plastic

The new Woolies grocery bags. We just need to remember to take them with us shopping.

During our weekly grocery shopping, we collect around x10 plastic bags to carry our groceries. We use the excuse that “we use the bags for dustbin bags during the week.” But we don’t need to, so we swopped the bags for Woolies enviro-friendly bags. I must tell you, they’re huge and carry quite a lot of goods.

  1. Americano vs. Cappuccino

Confession: this pic was taken in December while we were in Cape Town. It’s a cappuccino. LOL

I know that diets don’t last but if I make small changes to my eating, then that alone should help. Those Vide ‘e cappuccinos are just mucho grande cups of frothy milk and when I’m having two or three a day, it adds up (around the belly). Americano is purely black coffee and while I know the best solution would’ve been to swop for water, one or two coffees with less milk won’t hurt. Baby steps.

  1. Getting organized

Labelling all our cupboards & drawers makes it a lot easier to pack items away too.

My sister stayed over in December and exposed just how disorganized we really were! She helped me re-pack my cupboards, throwing out old clothes, linen, pots and food. Oh gosh, my medicine cupboard was a mess! The trick is to keep it clean and organized.

  1. Making a list

I make to-do lists all the time at work. But I’ve never made a shopping list before. KK and I head over to Woolies and buy the things we think we need. It’s only by sorting out my cupboards with my sister that I realized that we had loads of food that was going old or duplicates of items that we were not using. Let’s not even talk about my freezer! Just by making a list, I’m buying less now too & saving money.

  1. Run less but more

I’m loving my new Garmin fenix 5S. With such a great strap, I’ve been wearing it to work. Hitting my 10 000 step goal is tough!

KK and I are both coming out of 2017 with injuries. KK missed Kaapsehoop, he pulled out of Otter, did not enter Two Oceans. With my pulmonary embolism recovery and sprained ankle treatment, my running has been slow & reserved. It hasn’t entirely stopped us. KK has been walking a lot and I’ve been enjoying the shorter runs. We’ve become Parkrun fans! But there have been discussions about whether or not 2018 is a rest year for us both and a refocus on strength training. (The verdict is still in the air at this point. Notice that KK still entered Comrades & Otter 2018).

I’m unsure how I feel about 2018. I’m cautious. Overall, I’d like to have a better control over my life and I suspect the only way I can gain this is by focusing on the small things.

The small things, the small differences which eventually are the big changes. I can only try, right?