Lockdown anxiety finally broke me. It stole the last flicker of hope I was clinging on to and I’m not the only one who has just about had enough.
But I’m a denialist. I deny that COVID is out of control. I deny that my country is burning. I deny that things globally are in a real fucking mess. But they are.
I’m tired of hearing about the government. Of corruption. Of failure. I’m tired of not having answers. I’m tired of not knowing what to do or say. I’m sick of the negativity.
So my only escapism is to head to track twice a week and run laps around a dry grassy field. Alone with my thoughts and possibly the only hour I have without checking into social media.
And then this happened…
Chatting to my running coach on Saturday put things into perspective. We always start each new month discussing (negotiating) running goals. But this time was different.
Without asking, she said this:
“Bron, there is no need to push. There are no races to train for. All I want is for you to enjoy your running. Take it easy.
This isn’t about PBs. It’s not about the distance. It’s about getting out there and being consistent. Let’s get to September and then relook things.
But for now, all I want you to do is hang in there and do what you can. Don’t put anymore pressure on yourself.”
And that’s all I needed to hear…
Just hang in there. Ride this wave. Let it happen. Let it wash over me and move on.
There’s no need to put pressure on myself. We’re all struggling. There are no prizes. Even though just getting through the day deserves a medal.
And to control what I can. I can manage 3km runs and track twice a week, and that’s all that’s expected of me.
I can’t control what’s going on in my country, and no one is expecting me to. I can’t control how people react. I can’t change how others deal this pandemic. But I can run.
We’re a month away from Spring. Let’s ride this wave …