Category Archives: My Body

We are all hiding: From corporate masks to grey hair truths

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My hair started going grey at 27. For over 20 years, I’ve been tinting it—until now. In September, I decided to stop.

When I quit my corporate job in 2018, it took over a year to figure out who I really was. It wasn’t just my grey hair I was hiding – it was me. As a newbie entrepreneur, I defaulted to showing up on social media by using filters to soften my wrinkles and smooth out my skin to appear younger.

In corporate, we hide behind the masks of professionalism. We pretend we have it all together because we have to. It’s part of the game. I did it for years. And on Instagram, it’s all about the highlights reel… like must look perfect.

But leaving corporate was my first step toward showing up as my true self, though it took a while to stop playing that role. Stopping the tint is another step in that journey.

Over the years, I’ve tried every shade – blonde, brunette, and even almost black during COVID. But as I’ve gotten older, hiding my greys has gotten more difficult to do. Every four weeks, I’d go to the salon, but after 10 days, that white band would start creeping back.

It felt like any sign of aging or imperfection had to be hidden in the corporate world, and then on social media.

But now I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending.

If my coaching business encourages people to show up, be vulnerable, and be themselves, it starts with me.

They call it “grey blending,” but for me, it’s more about transitioning. I transitioned out of corporate and into entrepreneurship and it didn’t happen overnight. It’s been a journey of learning, shedding old layers, and figuring out what works for me. Going lighter didn’t work for me, so I’m trying the darker route of matching the peppers in my hair to a demi-colour wash as the hair grows out.

Corporate made me hard, self-preserving. Social media filters appear fake and inauthentic. Tinting does the same. So many people have commented that the grey hairs actually soften my face.

And that I’m brave….

Ironically, I feel freer. I can breathe again. But I’m not “embracing” my greys yet. To embrace means welcoming something fully, and I’m not there.

I prefer the word recognize.

I choose to recognize that I’m getting older—I’ll be 50 next year. I recognize that it’s not just my hair that’s changing. It’s my face, my body, my mind.

As women, we are experts at hiding. We hide our emotions, fears, and insecurities. And in doing so, we lose pieces of ourselves.

We tint our hair, cover our wrinkles, soften our stories, all to fit into the boxes society creates for us. But hiding creates distance. It builds walls between who we are and who we think we need to be.

When I left corporate, I didn’t know who I really was. That’s what hiding does—it makes you forget.

And if we are to change the toxic culture of social media, it starts with social media coaches, like myself, showing up as me.

So, stopping the tinting is just the beginning for me as I head into my 50s, the youth of old age, as they say. I really like this saying!

It’s been hard. I’ve struggled with seeing the silver streaks, with trying to accept it.

I’m not fully embracing it yet, but I’ve taken the first step. And that’s often the hardest part of any change.

Breaking down to heal

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I can’t remember why I stopped blogging…

It wasn’t because of the “busyness” of life. If you scroll through my social media feeds, you’ll see that I had lots of time for content creation.

But sharing on Instagram doesn’t have the same sense of intimacy as a blog post. My blog is mine. I don’t share the space with others and I’m not competing with algorithm updates. My stories belong to me.

My last blog entry was 4 years ago, just as the world was changing post COVID. I think in a way, we’re all still dealing with some parts of decisions that we made during that time.

I’m still running.

But if I thought I’d learnt all the lessons that running could ever teach me, I was mistaken.

I had both knees operated on during 2022 and couldn’t walk, nevermind run. It exposed just how big a role running played in my life.

Always time for content creation!

When I couldn’t run, I saw less of KK. Even though we don’t run together, it dominates our lives.

When I couldn’t run, there were no more weekly track sessions or running friends to bond with. I felt lonely.

When I didn’t run, my mental health suffered. I felt weak. And unfit. And old.

And then I broke my foot and my 8th Two Oceans half marathon was put on hold.

Falling off the box at gym!

That’s when not being able to run taught me my biggest lesson of all.

I started my blog in 2010 when I missed the 3 hour cutoff at my 2nd Two Oceans half marathon. In those days, my running speed was all that mattered. My runs focused on finishing my 21km races in under 3 hours!

I became obsessed with my pace and any race run at slower than 8mins per km felt like a failure to me.

The more I ran, the more I hated it. I changed coaches twice, thinking that the training would make a difference. I was disappointed in myself and didn’t even notice the kilometers clocking up.

But I had to break both knees and a foot to realise how much it hurt when my “slow” running was taken away from me.

What gap is left in your life when something or someone is removed?

Spending time at home made me yearn for the track sessions, the friendships, the feeling of achievement when I crossed that finish line.

I wasn’t missing the competitiveness or PBs at all. That wasn’t important. I was missing me.

Bron, the slow runner. Bron, the plain and simple average runner. Oh how I missed how running made me feel.

Strong. Fit. Capable.

To feel exhausted and pleasure at the same time.

Running bonds are strong!

To experience good and bad days and to keep going.

When you focus on the wrong things, it’s easy to get distracted. It feels like that with my blog.

I had forgotten why I had started blogging in the first place.

I started blogging to share the lessons that running teaches me about life.

I watch newbie runners and see their obsession with PBs and pace. I smile.

I watch experienced runners get disappointed with their performances. It happens.

Everyone is in a different season when it comes to running. Some are in seasons of abundance.

Others are stuck disappointed and disillusioned.

It’s taken a few years to dust off my blog and that’s okay. There’s no set time when you’re expected to work through your own personal seasons.

My 9th Two Oceans done & dusted

But hopefully when you get through them you gain clarity and can move on.

I know I’m ready to.

Journaling and running, for no one else but myself.

Yours in running, walking and loving all the rewards it brings me.

Bron xxx

I miss my running coughing attacks in the age of coronavirus

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The hour before road races start, my body develops what I call “my running coughs.”

My nose runs, I get into a fit of coughing attacks and it feels like my body attempts to vomit all my nerves out.

My coughing reminds me of John Coffee from the movie “The Green Mile.” It’s my way of vomiting up all my fears and nerves as a green mist, leaving my body.

It’s a mixture of excitement and fear pulsating through my body; the fight or flight syndrome at its peak.

I’m usually shivering at the starting line of each race paralyzed in fear, ready to vomit my guts out, screaming these 3 questions in my head:

  • Will I manage the distance ahead of me? It’s too far!
  • Will I come last & be humiliated? WTF am I so slow?
  • Have I done enough training? It’s too late now!

2020 has felt that way for me. The uncertainty. The self-doubt. The fears. The anxiety. The question, “why is this happening?”

Some things are certain with every race:

  • Water stops
  • Road Marshalls
  • Kilometer markings

That’s it! The rest is up to me.

I have no idea until I start running whether or not I’ll feel strong, or if I’ll trip on cat eyes or need the dreaded portaloo, or even hit the wall.

That’s why I get my running coughs. It’s the unknown which is both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

I haven’t run a race since Bobbies in February. I miss the pre-race adrenaline. That addictive sick sensation pumping through my body.

My running coughing attacks remind me that anything can happen. Anything.

But what the hell, run anyhow!

The sun setting later can only mean one thing…

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My nose was hit by the most amazing scent of jasmine on my run this morning. I love jasmine. It’s one of my favorite shrubs. Not only because of the strong scent of the flower but because it signifies a change of season; of new beginnings. Spring.

I know what you’re thinking – Bron, it’s way too early for spring. It’s only mid-July. But I’ve noticed it flowering earlier and earlier every year.

Jasmine picked on my run in 2013

My winter hibernation is coming to an end too. I’ve started to run more regularly. Not far – maybe a 4km run here and there. Running my own business has allowed for more freedom with my time and I’ve managed to run during the day when there’s less traffic and much warmer weather.

We’ve entered the popular Discovery Vitality Run Series and I hope to be a tad fitter when we run those races. The first race is on the 11th of August which is only 3 weeks away.

The other exciting news is that I’ve also joined a fitness group! A stone’s throw away from home, I’m enjoying that delayed feeling of stiff muscles after each workout. As the website puts it, “… classes incorporate functional body-weight movements and High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) to develop fitness and burn fat faster.”  Sounds good to me. What appeals is that there’s no pressure either. Everyone trains at their own pace.

Post-workout grin

We recently went on a weekend away trip to the Drakensberg and I hated that feeling of weakness in my body. I struggled to keep up on the hikes. I felt exhausted and knew my weight gain had become uncontrollable. I was miserable.

So I have set myself a goal of losing 5kgs in time for summer. For the first time in ages, my headspace is right. I’m a lot more motivated. I know I can do this.

The smell of jasmine. Sweaty afternoon faces after a run or a FabFitSlay workout and watching the sun setting later and later. It’s time!