Not wanting kids is a lonely place to be

Posted on July 30, 2012 by Bo

As a 37-year old married women with no kids, I must admit that I don’t exactly know where I ‘belong’ in society these days. You see, one would have thought that as people have started to accept mixed racial couples and same sex relationships, so too would the idea that a woman who decides not to have children be okay. But it isn’t.

I still get the confused looks, the gasps and the disbelief. In fact, majority of people who know my decision will still tell me that I will change my mind in future and ‘I better hope it’s not too late.’

Women judge me and quiz me as if somewhere in my explanation they’ll find a loophole to my reasoning and try to convince me otherwise. I’ve been warned that I will have no one to take care of my when I’m old. I’ve been informed that when KK and I grow tired of one another, that we’ll have nothing in our lives to hold us together.

I’ve been told that I am missing out on the biggest blessing of life and that there will be no one to carry our family name in to the future.

But not many will tell me that it’s okay. Very few are able to tell me that it’s my decision and that there are loads of women like me who are fine not to have kids and who have never even wanted to have any.

I get insulted when people say that I have four-legged children instead. Um, no. I grew up with dogs, I love dogs but they are not a substitute. They are dogs. I get upset when people suggest I am concentrating on my career. Nope. It is just a job and I personally do not want to be the boss. I just don’t want children.

Do I hate children. No, why would I hate them?

The hard part is that I have lost many girfriends who have moved on into that phase of their lives and now have nothing in common with me anymore or perhaps who don’t know what to talk to me about anymore. It’s still me. Bron.

All around me, I am flooded with messages on TV, magazines, billboards and the media about what a ‘normal’ couple looks like.

And I guess that’s my point. I’m confused as to where exactly in society I fit. In my head and my heart, I know who I am and the decisions I’ve made.

But not everyone around me seems to get it.

Taking my slippers off

Posted on July 10, 2012 by Bo

To say that I am feeling miserable is putting it lightly. I’m in a dip, a low point…

I woke up on Sunday morning to the tweets of fellow runners who had just completed the Pirates 10km running race. I remember the race from last year when a great running tweetup had been organised. This year, I lay in bed sleeping, feeling sorry for myself. Worse is that I had promised a fellow tweep that I’d run with her and seeing her joy as she finished her first 10km race really made me feel crap.

The fact is that I haven’t run for ages. My last race was the RAC 10km in June. Firstly, I’m not the biggest winter runner. I hate getting cold. (My ears ache). Secondly, like most people, I was hit with flu which set my training, both running and gym, back for a couple of weeks. Thirdly, I hate my body at the moment. I’m overweight and I feel heavy, irritated and downright miserable.

It’s a vicious cycle. The less I run, the worse I feel. If I don’t get to gym, I feel guilty (and then I eat). It’s a bad place to be. So, Monday is always a good time to make a change, which I did. I got to gym lekker early and decided to do a ‘light’ run before the spinning class started.

To my surprise I managed to run 2kms around the running track without stopping. I was hot, drenched in sweat, aching, out of breath. OMG! It felt fantastic!

Yeah, so it’s only 2kms. But it’s exactly what I needed to do! It’s as if I needed to flick that switch in my head.

I may not be the best runner in the world. I know that I don’t run very far compared to most other runners. I know for a fact that I may even be the slowest runner I know. But I’ve come to realise that running makes me feel good. It makes me feel fit. It makes my body work and my mind work even harder. And that’s what matters.

In life, if you find something that motivates you, pushes you and makes you get off that couch and work towards a goal, don’t ever stop. It doesn’t have to be running. Just as long as it’s a passion that lifts you out of that dip and keeps you going.

Three photos which made my week

Posted on July 5, 2012 by Bo

It’s been another tough week for the people in my life and in particular for those that surround me at work. Another week of watching them “live” a life where stress is the norm. In amidst the pressures of work, the rushing around, the meetings, the reports, three photos lifted my mood this week. Three photos that made me forget about everything going on. Three photos which made me stop and think differently about my day.

This photo was taken by @HayleyM_ (http://www.everything-inbetween.net/). She has the amazing ability to see the beauty in all things. The moon looked absolutely stunning this week. While some of my colleagues are hanging on by a thread while they struggle with stress, both at work and at home, I wish they knew that just like the constant moon which rises, comfort will come and that people around them do care.I love whales. They are magnificent creatures! So when I picked up on a tweet in the week pointing to this awesome photo taken by African Dive Adventures during the Sardine Run, I could not stop staring at it. It’s mesmerizing. This whale spoke to me too. As I stared into its eye, I realised that even though I have lost steam on a specific project, I need to push through because it might make a difference to someone’s day. Sometimes, it’s not only the big things that matter, but the little things too.

I learnt something about myself this week. I learnt that it’s okay to be proud of myself and to speak highly of my successes. I need to stop allowing others to steal my thunder. This last photo belongs to @sikspens, one of the first people I followed on Twitter. Her bio includes the words ‘happy snapper’ but as you can see, her photo is far from it! If I close my eyes, I can feel the sand in between my toes after looking at this photo. She tells me this is one of her best photos. I agree! It’s one of many that she proudly shares on Twitter and which I wanted to share with you.

Happy Weekend to all my friends and readers of my blog! Make it count!

Helpless. Yes, that’s my word.

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Bo

Trawling through my Twitter timeline before walking into the office yesterday morning, I came across a tweet from one of my favourite tweeps, @Anatinus. The question she posed was, “If you had to choose one word to describe yourself today, what would it be?”

I sat in my car for a few minutes, trying to come up with a word, but couldn’t. Being the positive person that I am and always wanting to display a happy, shining disposition, I kept thinking up clever, cheerful words to describe myself. But yet none of them seemed to describe exactly what is going on in my head.

My head is spinning. I keep trying to come up with the right answer, the solution to a problem but keep hitting a brick wall.

I’m anxious. Worried. Concerned. Deeply saddened. Angry. But mostly helpless.

Two of my closest friends are hurting. They are in the lowest of lows. In a dip and as much as I try to reach down and pull them up, I can’t. No matter what I tell each of them or how I try to convince them of what is right, it feels as if it’s falling on deaf ears. But their situations are not unique. We’ve all been there (or are there) at some point in our lives.

Why do we torture ourselves? Why do we allow ourselves to go through pain and hurt? Why do we allow others to treat us so badly? Why do we not want the very best for ourselves? Why do we accept second best? Why is it so difficult to walk away from someone who we know deep down inside does not love us as much as we love them? Why do we fight for relationships we know are wrong and are unhealthy and will only end in tears?

Watching from the outside, seeing the sadness in their eyes, watching their self-esteems drop, I can only hold their hands and be there for them. But it’s tough.

I’m helpless…

What word would you use to describe yourself?