Tag Archives: Two Oceans half marathon

Saying hello…and goodbye to Two Oceans

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As KK and I depart for our annual Easter break down in Cape Town, I must admit, I’m feeling a little mizz. In fact I’ve been feeling a bit down for a while now. You see, as everyone packs their bags and counts down to the Two Oceans half or ultra marathon, I won’t be running the race this year.

I pulled out due to injury as well as not being mentally ready to race against a cut-off time of 3 hours I feared I would miss (again). I was at a point where my running was not fun anymore and I hated the training. So I made the decision to stop stressing about my running, to focus on the 10km races and start falling in love with running again…

It was not an easy decision but once I made it, it was a weight off my shoulders and I still think it was the right decision. I have really enjoyed the shorter distances and I’ve had fun not having to constantly watch my pace. I’ve been happy with a 4km run in the evenings from home and sleeping later when I don’t feel like getting up at 3:30am for a race. It has helped me get back my “running mojo” and I’m enjoying it more than ever.

Yet it still doesn’t take away the fact that I wish I was running on Saturday. It doesn’t take away the fact that reading people’s tweets and blogs as they count down to the race doesn’t fill me with a tingle of jealousy and bit of regret.

While I know runners don’t judge one another, I am my biggest critic and keep trying to convince myself that pulling out of the race doesn’t mean I’m quitting. It means I’m doing what’s right, for me, at this point in time.

But it’s a heaviness that fills my heart.

I will still be there to support KK and the rest of our running gang. I’ll most probably get *goosies* when the gun goes off and I’ll still be super excited to see my running friends cross that finish line.

I’m holding thumbs that KK runs a PB! I wouldn’t miss that for the world!

Ps: this will be my last blog post until we get back from holiday on the 15th April.

Have a wonderful Easter!

When you finally make a decision, everything else falls into place

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My parents have a rock in their garden with the following quote carved into it, “To conquer fear, you need to make a decision.”

I’m not sure why this quote popped in to my head on Saturday, but it did. You see, on Saturday I made the decision to pull out of running the Two Oceans half marathon in April.

It’s been a very difficult and tough decision to make. Trust me, I’m heart-broken! But I’ve had time to think long and hard and decide what’s best for me. 

Two Oceans blogger, Dr Ross Tucker pointed out, “Why is sometimes more powerful than how.” So I sat down and wrote out my goals and answered some tough questions I realised was long overdue. It turns out, this is what I know: I do not have a problem running 21.1kms. The distance does not put me off and I do not struggle with it either. It’s the pace where my biggest challenge lies. Due to the fact that I run so slowly, the extra stress of making a 3 hour cut-off hangs over my head causing me incredible stress making it a very unpleasant run.  

The stress comes down to the speed of my running. If I can correct this and run faster, I would not stress as much and enjoy the run more.

The training that I started with my coach in January aims to do just that – get me running faster.

Unfortunately, the training schedule I am following does not include Two Oceans or any other half marathons coming up. In fact, I have already pulled a quad muscle by running Johnson Crane too hard and trying to slip back into my training schedule a day later without resting.

In chatting to my coach, he reminded me that my goal for 2012 is speed, not Two Oceans and unfortunately this year, I can only choose one.

I’ve chosen speed.

My hope is that if I can work on running faster, and start making those cut-off times by a good half hour or so, I will in fact not stress as much and enjoy my runs. That is the end goal.

Two Oceans will be there next year. And the next…

Since having made the decision, I am at peace and have a clearer view of my running goals ahead of me. But I am sad. Very sad. Some of my running friends have tried their very best to convince me otherwise and to run the race “for fun.” But it’s not fun when I’m running my guts out and still see a man at the finish line holding a cut-off gun.

I guess the biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that I was too afraid to make the decision. But the decision has to be what’s right for me, for my body, not anyone else. I kept worrying about what everyone would think. Would they all see it as quitting? 

To be honest, I’m tired (mentally and physically) of scraping through and just making it. I don’t want to run at 8mins/km anymore. I want to achieve a half marathon time of 2h40. Or 2h30. Even 2h20! I want to run faster!

That’s my goal!

Remembering Valentine’s Night Race 2008

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On Friday night I was trawling through my Twitter timeline and started to see tweets from people who had just finished the Randburg Harriers Valentine’s Night race.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with such emotion as I remembered the race that got me hooked onto running 4 years ago.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. The hot afternoon when we arrived at Randburg Harriers, sitting on the grass with friends watching the field fill up, walking to the start, the sun setting as the gun went off, the funny costumes people were wearing, the streets getting dark and then the final 300m when KK and other friends stood waiting for me as I neared the finish line. (I also recall the KFC burger on the way home!)

My time: 87 minutes!

Reflecting on the race has made me realise something…

I have spent the last couple of years obsessing about my running pace and the fact that I run so slowly. I have even gotten to the point where I have hated races and dreaded running just because my pace is so slow. I started a blog to document how slow I run!

Yet, on that night 4 years ago, nothing could take away that feeling of immense pride and self-accomplishment that I felt. I was on top of the world and felt incredible. Victorious. After completing that race, I felt as if I could conquer the world! But look at my time! Did I care? Not a chance!

So what happened?

How and where did I lose my passion and love? Where did this obsession come from?

I know the answer: Two Oceans 2010. Missing that 3 hour cut-off broke my spirit. I felt like a failure and since then I’ve been on a mission to ensure it never happens again.  In a way, it’s become the focus of my running and I’ve lost a bit of that passion that fuelled me that night. Yes, so I did go back and conquer Oceans, but the stress of it all still overshadows the victory.

These past couple of weeks, I’ve started to relook my priorities and decide what’s important. I’ve been doing some soul searching to understand exactly why I run, why I am so hard on myself and what I enjoy about running.  

Because right now, I’m not sure if what I’m focussing on is right. It sure as hell doesn’t feel as good as it did finishing Valentine’s Night race 4 years ago…

Dave is not always going to be there…

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You see this photo below? I’m the girl with the red top and blue cap. The big guy next to me is Dave. He was the pace setter that got me over the 2009 Two Oceans half marathon finish line. This photo was taken of the 3 hour bus coming up to UCT.

I can still remember that day clearly. The relief when I finally caught Dave at the 16km mark. I immediately felt safe. I immediately knew I was going to make it. I knew I’d finish strong. With singing and words of encouragement, Dave got me (and a lot of other runners) to that finish line with 5 minutes to spare and for which I will be forever grateful.

Unfortunately, 2010 was a very different experience. I arrived at the start of the race to find that Dave was nowhere to be seen. In fact, there was no 3 hour pace setter. This immediately set me back mentally as I was planning on running with the 3 hour bus and realised I would need to run the entire race by myself.

So with no Dave to carry me, my race was a struggle. I did not finish in the required 3 hours. I missed cut-off by 6 minutes. There was no t-shirt or certificate to say that I had completed the race. Nothing. I was devastated. I felt like a complete failure. In fact, I was filled with so much anger that there wasn’t a “Dave” to carry me home.

But it wasn’t Dave’s fault. I realise that now.

I came back in 2011 to get my medal. But this time, I was a bit wiser. I knew in my mind that if I was to finish in time, I had to rely on nobody but myself. I needed to ensure that the training I did was enough. I needed to ensure my legs were strong enough. More importantly, I needed to know that my mind was in the right place.

I guess in life, we often rely on others and when those people are not there anymore, we crumble. We fail and then we blame others.

I’ve come to realise that in life, I never quite know if there will always be someone to rely on or not. Chances are, there won’t always be a “Dave” by my side to carry me through so I need to be prepared for whatever surprises come my way. Just like my races, I need to know how to rely on my own strength to get me across that finish line.