Lessons from 9/11 about married life

Posted on September 11, 2012 by Bo

11 years ago today, I was four days away from getting married when the world was changed forever by the fateful events of 9/11. It was a Tuesday. I was 26 years old and about to marry the man of my dreams. I had no idea what awaited me. It’s only now, 11 years later, that I look back at that week with fresh eyes.

Perhaps I’m a little older and wiser, but I realise that there are some valuable lessons for my marriage I have learnt from 9/11.

Expect the unexpected. Just like those two planes, sometimes, with no warning at all, problems, issues, even events will hit your marriage with all its might and come out of nowhere. It is usually unexpected. You cannot know what and when something will come which will test your marriage. But it happens.
Ensure your marriage is strong enough to withstand the hits. If not, one or even both of you will come crashing down.
Through the years, there will be pain, hurt, anger and blame. But it’s important to deal with those feelings and move on. Every relationship goes through the dips. Always re-build something new.
Prepare relentlessly. It was New York’s mayor at the time, Rudi Giuliani, who said, “when faced with new and stressful situations, prepare relentlessly”. Giuliani adds, “Don’t assume a damn thing.” Do not slip into a comfort zone but keep on your toes and keep the relationship alive. Be prepared.
Change. Adapt. Or die. The world was forced to change after 9/11. I am a very different woman compared to the girl I was when I got married so many years ago. KK has also changed, but we’ve managed to grow together. Anticipate that each other will change. It’s only normal. It’s a good thing, embrace it.

Time has flown. I cannot believe how quickly 11 years has gone by and how much has happened in that time. We built a house, we bought new cars, we changed jobs, we got two dogs, and we travelled to some wonderful destinations.

I even started running!!

But we also lost Pa as well as Marla. I got diagnosed with a disease and we lost quite a few friends along the way. But through the highs and the lows, I’ve walked every step of the way with you KK. I still love you with all my heart.

Happy Anniversary week my babes. X

I don’t mind if you snore…

Posted on July 10, 2012 by Bo

I was kept awake this week listening to my hubby (aka KK) snore. This is a rare occurrence because he never snores. The poor guy has not been well. Run down and fluey, he eventually went to see a doctor last week who diagnosed a ‘virus’. Due to a blocked nose, he’s been snoring at night which has kept me awake. But I don’t mind. You see, he normally sleeps so quietly that I’ll often mistakenly talk to him if I am awake, thinking he’s awake. Being the light sleeper that I am, it’s a blessing that he doesn’t snore. Thank-you my darling for a good night’s sleep.

KK and I divide the chores around the house. He ensures all the washing gets done. Being an engineer, he is an expert at dividing the darks from the lights. I’ve watched him when he loads the washing machine. The pants get turned inside out. He checks the labels for any hand wash items. Hanging the washing on the line is a master skill as each item gets hung in a particular way with the right pegs. Thank-you for the time you take with the small things.

If I happen to get home late, KK does not mind starting with supper. Compared to how I throw the veggies in the pot, he takes time to cut and snip each end of the beans, he carefully de-layers brussel sprouts in case of bugs and he will even steam veggies that could’ve been done quicker in the microwave. He is a Masterchef when it comes to fried rice and good old spaghetti bolognaise. Thanks-you sweety for having such patience.

I could go on and on. Such as when we run road races and he packs in a spoon for my yoghurt. Or how he puts toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning. Or how he switches on my electric blanket at night so that my bed is warm…

The best is when I run a race and he meets me 1km from the finish line and runs me to the finish. It’s his face I look for after 21kms…

I love you KK.

xxx

My 4 weeks of hibernation

Posted on June 14, 2012 by Bo

Not having KK around for 4 weeks certainly made me realise some hard truths about myself. The main one is that I rely ~~too heavily~~ on him. Running a household is tough when you’re on your own. Even tougher when there are things around the house that you have no idea what to do with.

If I thought that I would spend 4 weeks milling around, reading, blogging and visiting family, I was mistaken. I was like a bear and simply shut down, going in to hibernation, waiting for his return. This didn’t help things around the house though.

The biggest thing I realised is that I do take KK for granted. I realised just how much he does around the house and just how much I need him. I am so* glad he’s home!

Pizza delivery for one

Posted on June 3, 2012 by Bo

One of the worst and probably saddest memories I have of being young and single was when I used to order take-out on a Friday night. I would phone up Mr Delivery and would order three or sometimes even four different meals, just so that the delivery guy didn’t think I was alone and felt sorry for me. (height of lame, I know).

Two burgers and chips, throw in a 2 litre coke, Mexican pizza, extra chilli and calamari and rice (which was usually my meal). I remember clearly that when the delivery guy used to arrive at the house, I’d call out to empty rooms on the other side of the house, ‘Guys, your burgers are here…’ *echo*. But at least I fooled him. I think.

Years later and I couldn’t give two hoots what Mr Delivery thinks of me, but I still hate being alone. I haven’t been alone for quite a number of years now since getting married, but with KK having gone off on a business trip, I’ve been all by myself. It’s been tough. I’ve hated it.

At first, I had plans to fill my time: I planned to blog, to visit my folks, to gym (and lose lots of weight), read magazines while my painted nails dried and generally spend time doing ‘stuff’ I never get around to doing. None of this has happened. In fact, since he left, I fear I may be on the verge of developing a severe case of bed sores. All I seem to do is get home from work and hibernate in the bedroom, watching TV in bed and drinking too many cups of tea. I’ve also started to talk to myself. Out loud!

I’ve realised that I am miserable being alone especially when KK and I do almost everything together. And I mean everything! We go to gym together, we go shopping together; we will even wait for each other to get tired before heading off to bed. The worst part is that I have been forced to run at the gym for fear that if I do run out in the streets, there is no one waiting for me to get home safely.

It’s not so much loneliness but being alone. It’s doing things all by myself and not with my best friend.